Funny, I like it. Nice piece.

Its ok this, the idea lacks a bit of bite.

I like this, its kind of clever, but i think it needs something a little stronger in it to make it really good

i liked this, playfully, naively erotic is how i read it. i liked wriggling and pretend to prefer which seems to me can be interpreted as quite knowing and quite redolent of teenage embarassment too. suggestions: offers for 'has always offered' scans better? i thought the title might be better, it just jarred slightly with me

I like this, inspite of the sing song rhyme, which usually i would hate bit it works with this and the nice batheic end lines of several stanzas, the first one in particulary is lovely, almost a cliche but not quite. yum. Some lines to work on in my opinion with recognition as ever that this is all a matter of taste: Smoldering coals have lost their flame - didn't like this a bit too obvious/unimaginative for me, not up to the rest of the poem You don’t live here anymore - reminds me of the s...

I liked the tranquility of this, and the opening repetition. toward broken spirits... that line didn;t scan so well for me, it has a different rhythm to the other final lines is burning sorrow a little over the top, a more modest feeling might make the idea of being overcast a bit more real, and also strangely more powerful?

nice opehning stanza. i thought you might work on this line which is a bit heavy on the imagery: bloats a proud and callous glare a very recognisable feeling, imaginatively conveyed.

This, for me, is a (very) short story. It is interesting but it does not have much by way of rhythm or imagery ot make it into (what I would say was) a good poem. detailed comments: Small was my daughter - sounds a bit like yoda a third daughter/ is surely not. as does this! Six years she grew up - and this. dark her skin like mahogany- and again fewer = fever? the white of her eyes turned yellow. - nice specific image eveningprayer - why one word?