youngjed's profile

youngjed avatar
AGE: 39
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 21

I put some stuff on a blog when it’s ‘finished’..

http://whatssoonly.blogspot.com/

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Version 3
7 Reviews   0 Comments
Divorced. The kids are fragile, saddened.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 2
1 Review   0 Comments
Divorced. My kids but fragile, saddened.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 3
9 Reviews   9 Comments
In come the boys, all long and lean. Upright and proud, with boyish beliefs Slouched like tongues curled in their cheeks. The tallest one smirks, Like a girl asked him first; Warily caught laughing out loud. He practises, His father watching from a thin bed of iron, Delicate as an old umbrella frame. Defiant too, though wearily clenched. Simply the gang of them, Stretched the length of the stage, Like marchers advancing up dirt roads, All orangey heat and a haze of kicked up heels. But instea...
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Poetry / The Next Call
Version 1
1 Review   4 Comments
I. The telephone brings death, That fucked up girl, three times. The first, we get all near; All intimate and night-time hot. My mother talks, some absent minded chat; Then, feeling flushed, just drops the phone. Unclasps and flattens, linens of collision As her clothes recline. Her heart a gangman’s bicep bulge, A hangman’s trap of unswung weight, All slack and gone. Not even time to call her husband’s name. That quiet has no shape. Just there and then not. II. The second call for me: the ne...
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Poetry / Invisible Poem
Version 1
12 Reviews   0 Comments
Some things are better left unsaid. Like my gift to you. I will not open Your review And any credits that you get Are yours for free. Sometimes unheard words are best.
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Reviews
Poetry / Nonsense
Locked
Poetry / No More
Locked
This, for me, is a (very) short story. It is interesting but it does not have much by way of rhythm or imagery ot make it into (what I would say was) a good poem. detailed comments: Small was my daughter - sounds a bit like yoda a third daughter/ is surely not. as does this! Six years she grew up - and this. dark her skin like mahogany- and again fewer = fever? the white of her eyes turned yellow. - nice specific image eveningprayer - why one word?
nice opehning stanza. i thought you might work on this line which is a bit heavy on the imagery: bloats a proud and callous glare a very recognisable feeling, imaginatively conveyed.
Removed