yoshmeister's profile

A bit of a disclaimer at first: I am completely out of the loop with regards to SF or fantasy type writing. This could be perfect from that point of view, but I wouldn't know it. I really didn't get a sense of place or character from the piece, which is always what I look for at first. There seems to be something unique about the protagonist, but I struggle to see what it is. Yes, we are told about the self-perceived superhuman powers and such, but I am looking for something more- something a...

The imagery is very good. Vivid in the sense that the provocation of your words forms immediate associations in the mind of the reader. I feel that the pace, however, is unnecessarily slow. If you were to speed up the cadence of your language, the effect would be more profound.

I think this book in itself is a great idea and will be a worthy endeavor. However, there are a few things I would think about: -Content: Its generally good. The goal you have in writing the book seems to be clear; however, I find the structure and choice of content to be not focused enough. You seem to want to incorporate academic concepts from psychology into a self-help book accessible to the layman. While this is a great idea, be careful about "watering down" the tough stuff while still n...

Just a couple of things at first: "He clasped his own hands in delightful serenity of the night laced with the hallucinatic music. He thought those were the magic that music creates in moments like those": I read this sentence three times, and I can't figure out what "those" refers to. "He stopped gazing at Fiona, his watch and shifted his attention to his collection of books": Is his watch named Fiona? If so, you need a comma after watch. If not, this kind of confused me, as I thought the pi...