yoshmeister's profile

Just a couple of things at first: "He clasped his own hands in delightful serenity of the night laced with the hallucinatic music. He thought those were the magic that music creates in moments like those": I read this sentence three times, and I can't figure out what "those" refers to. "He stopped gazing at Fiona, his watch and shifted his attention to his collection of books": Is his watch named Fiona? If so, you need a comma after watch. If not, this kind of confused me, as I thought the pi...

Very good structure. First para draws the reader in, and second one keeps the reader there. It may be a matter of taste, but it was extremely wordy: "waiting for an optimal consistecy of hush before entering anticipation". Beautiful words, but unless you want the wording to be the focus (as opposed to plot or tone), I'd rephrase. Just wanted to point this out; this is not not written in the style I prefer, so take it with a grain of salt. Looking forwrad to reading more.

Have to say that I enjoyed reading this. I don't think it stands as an example of flash fiction. The focus on words and rythm makes me interpret this as more of a poem.

Good work for a magazine article; I would submit for sure on these points: -Plot: Very good twist at the end, and a sense of urgency is built up throughout leading up to this. Plot-wise, you have all the bases covered -Content: This is a situation many (myself included) can relate to, which will give you a wide base of readers who will react positively, at least to the chain of events chronicled here. I have not read female-specific literature myself, but I have a feeling that audience will r...