there is no free mental health care for the impoverished intellectual, heart sick, bone weary, and tired. broke, from a broken back of hard emotional labor, they wont take you without insurance or out of pocket fees. and insurance wont take you because it is a "pre-existing condition" and/or dont cover "mental or emotional problems." i am weary of talking; no one knows what to say. i am tired of having horrible days, and having someone expect me to be cheerful and make dinner because they are...

rumi said something that struck me the other day. something about when his poetry is not being poured forth, unplanned, he is silent. my paraphrasing is terrible. but today is an eternal day unplanned, pouring forth, just like that. and silent. there is nothing better to do than write. i wonder if someone is going to technically review this, and try to tell me how it can be made better, how it could be better communicated. i am stubborn, and i could care less. because this is not a technical ...

I realize now I dont want things to change. Even though I want more than anything for everything to be different. One is going to happen. The other is not. I think Change is going to win out, and I dont know how I feel about that. I dont think it is because I am lazy, some therapist might call it depressed, I really dont care what you call it, but it feels like although everything is changing nothing can change. Nothing will change. But yet, my logic tells me that is not true. I guess they ar...

Do you know what Goddess? I don’t care for your sentiment. I do not care what sounds like rants, Or what sounds good, Or what sounds acceptable according to “standard” nature- I do not care. And I know you care not either, As Tears run down, And breath stinks like cigarettes and Boogers, And all manner of gross things that Spring out from your closet. You know. And why do I even love a man who does not love me back. I ask this because my heart hurts and I am tired of crying- But under it all ...

its sunday. Ray is counting on me to hook up the cable so we can watch football... or so he says. I do not know how to hook up illegal cable and i could just learn if I felt like it, but the heat of the Sun and the stinging ants and snakes in the field keep me from going outside and doing so. Its sunday, and I know most of my friends are just lazing around, unless they are church goers, then they might be out to lunch... (oh they are always "out to lunch".) I want to do something. Some thing....

Its 12:30, and Joe will be asleep for at least another two hours. Ray has gone back to bed. He didn’t sleep well last night. I am getting sleepy here on the floor, I know better than to light a fresh cig After my morning wake and bake, And I know better all the next times During the day I will do the same thing. Light. Burn. Lick. BAM. Light Burn. (puff, puff) (puff, puff) Headache. Sleepy. Light. Burn. Lick BAM…. ---repeat. Rinse, and repeat. (The concept of repeat is repeated Repeatedly lat...

Everything's so tired. So tired weary tired. Where are the Kerouacs and the Ginsberg's of our generation? Why are we fallen asleep? Frontline ways of bygone years are walked in different steps. Pseudo intellectualism reigns supreme- While we snore on with dirty snores. We have become desensitized, immobilized by drudgery, laziness, and fear. Addicted to beer and booze and sex, All these fleeting commercials that do not satisfy, do not give true sustenance- Only tiny pop rock candy fixes- and...

Mugshot in the mirror Nothing is purer Then the un-reflection seen. Mugshot, mugshot In the mirror. Purer than the river. Clean Stream Beam, Kahlim. Forseen. Musical Identity. Peripheral obscenity. Asian calligraphy, Crap shoot ontology. Clowns performing sodomy Don't forget Washington's anthology, Molly. Polly want a cracker? Slip it through the smacker, Quacker. Quack. Pack a bowl, Take a stroll. Look for the mole in the hole, Tadpole. Extremes careen Down heightened extremes. Lavish lucid ...

Perhaps there was a day I could say That life turned out beautiful. Gone seems those times when those words were spoken: Life is beautiful. Why these ups and downs. Why this confusing laziness that leaves me plastered on the love-seat, Soaking in media and Trick Shot Magic. I am not cruising down the street on my longboard. Visions of lollipops And rainbows do the two step around in my head- They two step together and they two step around and around my indecision to formulate my musical perf...

Mundane. So much lost in the mundane. Laziness, I've spoken of this before. Lack of drive. Or maybe I've got it all wrong. I do not understand the state of the nation or the state of things or the State. Statutes, laws, and tributaries all flow into the same massive depth of ocean. I am not a strong swimmer. Boats do sink, and nothing is made or designed to last forever. Except for man's mind penned on trees. Each generation has a war, and always the same one fought before time out of mind. I...