i can understand what your saying here, but theres no flow at all,it doesnt roll right of the tounge and takes a few reads to actually take it all in.try rewriting it so that is has some kind of rhyme scheme, so that it flows well.

everything was going great till i hit " fly away over dreams" then all of a sudden evreything went sour, you lost your rhyme scheme and from there on it was spotty.and not really sure what was beenig conveyed here.

I take it you did like I did,went to school, and then got a job that never even used your schooling. what a waste huh? and yes I'm in big debt to, like millions of others now days.

quite the intresting contrast,yet so real.

so true, we cant lower ourselfs to their level.Its like the people who blame their parents for who they are today,their an adult now they can change their ways if they wanted too.But it eaiser for them to blame somebody then change.

nice job,I can sea the ocean and all its entiety. could use more rhyme, but still flows quite well.

nice, lets me know that yout mind is full of poems that need to be written.But I dont think it's very catchy.

well I see a person who seems to have lost his way in life. then has succeeded at something that showed him the way,and then did some counsiling to heal the rest of the way. very good, and hope all works out for ya.

kinda reminds me of hannible lecter,quite different though. very morbid brain there.