wulfenstraat's profile
AGE:
51
LOC: Carson, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 24
LOC: Carson, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 24
Former demographic statistician from Hawaii (12 years) and Zaire (3 years) now living in California (20 years).
I am using this site to refine my ideas before publication, posting various scenes with which I find difficulty and would appreciate insights from dedicated reviewers and writers.
Items
Version 1
14 Reviews
5 Comments
Hearing the familiar teeter-totter of rocking chairs on creaking boards, Faux turned his face from the charred shell of the barn to the stone-walled farmhouse. Squinting against the sun, he focused on what remained of the veranda, gazing upon the planked overhang which had caved in on the right side of the porch so that fire-blackened joists, jutting out from under partially burnt sheaves of thatch, cast long shadows across the yard. In his joose-wracked mind, he began to see ephemeral shape...
Version 1
19 Reviews
10 Comments
As the door continued to creak open, Preacher-Man, the flesh and blood of him, stumbled against the jamb, his eyes flashing disbelief at the spearhead protruding through the right side of his bare chest, a piece of bloody lung dangling on its serrated edge. Brigitte screamed at the sudden appearance of him, pinkly white but for his hands and face, the man totally nude, with blood gushing from his chest and groin. Tripping on the breechclout flap of her gown, she fell to her backside and lay ...
Version 1
12 Reviews
14 Comments
The room was poorly lighted by a single dusty taper, melted at the bottom to stand on a chipped cup plate; because the candle burned on one of the ornately chased nightstands against the wall, most of the room stood in shadow, deepening to darkness. Wide enough for two, the four-poster with its ruptured canopy and sagging mattress matched the nightstands, as well as the dresser and the highboy at the dark end of the room. All the furnishings ~ the laving dish in the form of a seashell, the v...
Version 1
8 Reviews
10 Comments
Impossible creatures crept and crawled through the lost and forgotten crevices of his mind, before he projected their crudities across the dreary landscape: half the truth and half the lie. With each step he took, trudging through the depths of sand with the two women behind him, Faux surveyed the vast open champaign, seeing it for the enormous shallow lake it had been during the Cretaceous Period, over a hundred million years before. Marveling at the prehistoric flora on the distant shore, ...
Version 1
8 Reviews
11 Comments
Sitting on Pious Rock, his left elbow on his raised knee, the thick carrying strap of his hunting rifle swinging slightly underneath his right elbow, Paul Radford trained the cross-hairs of his scope across the body-littered ground. Within that dark magnified circle, finding the boma alive with bloodhawks and hyenas tearing at the grayed human flesh, he spied on the dead and dying, seeing first a bald pate exploded under a high-impact round, seeing next a khaki-shirted chest wheezing bubbles...
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Reviews
You've overwhelmed us with your ratings and rankings. Too many. Your poetry is good, as you suspected, though you should use a spell-checker, such as in 'everday' and a grammatik, such as in "I seen all of your pain." It's everyday, and you've seen all her pain or you saw all her pain. Also, this line needs to be re-written: "Would the right love would you seek." Not sure what that means since it is only one thought and one sentence yet has two verbs. I've never seen a construction like that ...
Hey, great stuff. Concise yet without that feeling of being truncated. That denotes great skill. How many haikus have you read here where the poet leaves out a word, and it smacks of being truncated. Good job. Clever poet. Excellent ideas. Straight 10's all across.
Your first time? Not bad. Not bad at all. In fact, quite good. Finally, someone who can think beyond the immediacy of the moment. Finally, poetry on a universal theme without thought of small things like can openers that don't work (yes,there is a poem on Urbis exclusively about this and not satirically penned either). For improvement, check the spelling of separated and unnamed, and it wouldn't hurt to put in a few periods either. And that'll be my two cents.
What an unusual idea. It bears thinking about. What if the whole world went silent for a day in deference to an idea. It almost sounds like Ghandi's 'passive resistance' idea that not only changed India but helped dissolve the British Empire. What would a day of silence do?
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