" Ladies and gentlemen, would you welcome very warmly to Punchlines this evening, Mr. Joe Venucci." Joe walks a bit stiffly across the stage and grabs the mike. "You know, I was browsing the list of Nobel Prize winners last Saturday evening (which gives you some idea of the quality of social life that I've got). I noticed the regular ones that you'd expect to find: Dag Hammerskjold, Martin Luther King Jr., Amnesty international, and Kofi Annan. But I almost fell down when I noticed Kissinger...

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to `Punchlines'. Tonight we would like to present a new comic who is breaking into the business. He's starting a little late in life, but better late than never. Would you welcome very warmly please, Mr. Joe Venucci." A little stiffly Joe walked across the stage and grabbed the mike. " Not long ago I read that some sociologists were saying that the reason that modern society is so screwed up is that modern men are essentially still immature; that we have no rig...

Before I call you man and wife, this tale I must recite, To you, good groom I speak the most, you do I pre-indict, For once I had a wife so fair that god was made to swoon, But now, for crimes I shall explain, I live in my own tomb, There once was a ship And on the ship were gathered all the creatrues from the land, And two by two by two they marched on board at my command, And all their lowly destiny I held in my own hand, For God bequeathed all creatures great and small as my domain, From e...

You know, I dumped my mother last week. We've been involved now for , Christ, it must be forty years, maybe longer. Well, hell, my whole life. Some biology texts claim that it might have started even before birth. You're wondering why, right? Dharma. Well, Dharma and Greg. Well, I mean, that's not the whole reason; but on the other hand, maybe it is. You see, what I am trying to say is that it wasn't really Dharma that actually caused the breakup. It was more that Dharma pointed out that the...