wltshr's profile

My eyebrows grow unruly. It really will not do. Should I pluck or use a trimmer? Or leave them all askew? Where once there was a six pack A Party- Seven sits I don’t want to have to exercise This really is the pits My legs have gone all skinny My hair is just as thin Should I rail against the dying light Or take it on the chin? I never was a looker It just seems so unfair To see reflected in the glass  Such signs of wear and tear My wife says she still loves me Even tho...

My eyebrows grow unruly. It really will not do. Should I pluck or use a trimmer? Or leave them all askew? Where once there was a six pack A Party- Seven sits I don’t want to have to exercise This really is the pits My legs have gone all skinny My hair is just as thin Should I rail against the dying light Or take it on the chin? I never was a looker It just seems so unfair To see reflected in the glass  Such signs of wear and tear My wife says she still loves me Even tho...

How to get rid of the body? The murder bit’s the easy part. As long as you’re fairly quiet, or use a gag, you can spend as long as you like. At home. Nice comfy surroundings. You know where everything's kept. Everything you might need. Took a lot of thinking through, though, beforehand. The plastic sheet on the bed was a good idea. Not very nice to work on, but when they’re terrified, bodily functions can come into play. A quick rinse, a deodorant spray, and Bob’s y...

Dear Chief Inspector  If you are reading this then you must have outlived me. I can see you now in your comfy slippers, corduroys, cardie and a tie, sitting in your nursing home dribbling. I feel so sorry for you. It must have been simply awful. Reaching retirement with the greatest case of your career unsolved. How old are you now? Seventy? Eighty? Ninety? Has some nice young WPC come to visit you? Did she bring my diary? Can you still see? Or is she having to read it to you? Turn up t...

If this carries on I'll end up like poor old Adolf. He topped six million and no one knew about it at the time. It must have driven him bonkers. At least now we recognise his contribution. Like any artist, recognition post mortem. So. Nursery Rhymes or Freezers? That is the question. Perhaps a notelet to the News of the World or Percy Plod might get things moving. Liquid paraffin for their little grey cells perhaps. Dear Editor You reported recently on a missing young lady by the name of Geo...