wisedec4u's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: Indianapolis, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 07
LOC: Indianapolis, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 07
I would like to start off by thanking you for viewing my page. I hope you will enjoy your time here and assist me in finding ways to improve my writing. On a personal note, I’ve been happily married for eight years and the mother of two handsome sons, Terrell-age 16, Dominique-age 15, and an adorable daughter named LaKisha-age 2 1/2. In May of 2007, I went back to college to earn a BA degree in Business Administration w/ minor in Accounting. I currently work in the Insurance industry, but aspire to be a full-time novelist. Hopefully joining this site will help me get that much closer to reaching my goal.
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Version 12
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The tears in Charlene’s eyes, almost made Ryan forget how angry he was. The urge to pull her into his arms and rain kisses over her face was so strong that he didn’t think he could handle it. But he had his pride, or at least what was left of it. He couldn’t just keep letting her make all the rules and string him along like a wet puppy. He had wanted so much more from her. To take her out on real dates, be introduced to her family and friends, and escort her to the prom. To ...
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Version 2
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“GODDAMIT, RYAN! The regional finals are tomorrow and you pull this shit! What the hell were you thinking?” Ryan sat in a fake leather chair in the principal’s office surrounded by imitation 19th century furnishings made of dark oak wood. An enlarged oil painting of General Hanson Lee Adams posing in a gray Confederate uniform was hanging on the wall behind Principal McAbee’s oversized desk. The General’s reproachful gray eyes seemed to be looking down on him, watching and waiting to pass jud...
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Version 4
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Ryan opened his locker and was pleasantly surprised to see the folded note setting on top of his World History book. Smiling to himself, he bent down to pick it up. He already knew who it was from. He unfolded the paper and ran his finger over Charlene’s feminine handwriting, perfect even lines of slanted curves and swooping loops. _Ryan,_ _Meet me in the old lab room on the third floor before lunch period._ _We need to talk_ _Love C._ His anxiety mounted as he contemplated what it was she wa...
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Version 5
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“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.” Charlene mumbled, warily eyeing a group of guys who were huddled together at the DJ table, each of them staring at her as if she had a _‘live nude girls’_ sign hanging above her head. She wrapped her light sweater tighter around her body and scanned the rest of the room looking for an escape route. She wondered where the back door was. Whenever she went to a house party in Detroit the first thing she did was look for an alternate exit just in cas...
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Version 4
1 Review
2 Comments
Charlene stood in front of her dresser mirror putting the finishing touches on her hair and applying red tinted lip gloss to her mouth. She smacked and puckered her full lips, admiring the sensual effect. “That should do it,” she announced to her reflection. The phone rang and she hurried to the nightstand beside her bed to answer it. It was Karen calling again for the fourth time in the past hour. “What now?” Charlene breathed with annoyance, yet finding her friend’s excitement infectious. ...
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OMFG! This has got to be the most hilarious, outrageously gross story I've ever read and I loved every minute of it. I actually had to cover my mouth so my boss and co-workers wouldn't hear me cracking up. How did you come up with this? The blatant sexual tension and suspense was so overtop that I couldn't help but laugh. Great story...are you sure didn't base this off my blowjob scene I posted a few weeks ago? (-; Just kidding. Thanks for giving me something to perk up my day. Now I'm hungry...
I thought this was well written and entertaining from an adults point of view, but I'm not so sure that it would hold the attention of a young child around the age of your character, Sarah, or younger. Some of your word usage may be a bit too advance for their age group. You may want to simplify some your phrasing to target the kindergarten/preschool demographic. For instance the phrase..."tears of emotional hurt," seemed to adult for a 5 year old to really grasp visually.
This piece has potential, but still needs more work. I saw a few punctuation and grammar problems such as.. Sara and I had been friends since we were in the second grade. I say friends since the second grade only because that’s when we both realized that we were friends[.] Our mothers were best friends since college, had a double wedding, and had children one year apart. -- There are a couple other places where you omitted punctuation or forgot to capitalize a letter. You may want to read thr...
Good lord! That was the saddest, creepiest story I ever read. You writing skills our superb and it really hard to critique work that is this good. I loved Martha's character and could help feeling sorry for the emotional prison her son and husband had trapped her in. The murder scene was totally unexpected. I was positive that the Boy would beat his mother to death and nearly cheered when she slapped her son back. However, I was horrified that her rage had pushed her so far that she would kil...
I thought you story was very well written. There one a few things that I stuck out to me, but they are very minor: 1. Seventy-sex year tattoo artist--I was clear whether you meant the tattoo artist is 76 years old or a tattoo artist for 76 years. 2. The narrator sipped his beer--It was little jarring to when I read this. I thought this was actually in 1st person (from the narrator's POV). I guess because I got the impression in the beginning from the line: Apologies, but I've actually.... The...
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