windowindigo's profile

heh.. i like it.. it's song like i can hear a guitar and you singing i am singing it now, actually. this inspires me to write simply.. something i do not yet do easily... but i dig the melody i hear by the repetition in the lines.. i wish i could sing it to you, what i hear. but maybe you already hear it, and i am singing what you already know. :) i'll believe that. so in stanza it would be:: i do not believe her why does she lie? she must know she does not have to she lies for no reason i wo...

i think you could trim it up a bit. its not that you my first, love. just, you were the first to love me back . . that's my take on it at least ;) nice janis ian title by the way! I have been singing between the lines all week ~!~

initially, i love how your tone s l o w s me d o w n . but, then cuts me off by the fourth line's staccato curtness of the word point, which always makes you present moment. on the fifth line I feel you are creeping around the idea of feelings from behind them, thinking you can remain unnoticed. And then you say they are not noticeable, the feelings are muted, they are weak, not dominant, and both angles of this situation seem to make you uneasy, limited, possibly misinterpreted. but then you...

first off, i liked your note to the reviewer, so already you had points. hahaha! this really appeals to me. I get where your going with it. I have a feeling that you will be writing this poem for sometime to come, but it will get better the more it matures with your cleaning it up and what have you.. I especially like the lines "Make me forget the reasons I hide" & "Intentions now are better than those, That made me make myself be closed" ~!~ I really relate with that deeper concept and if yo...

the first two lines are really good, then the fourth blows it for the second pair. the first two lines are quite beautiful, and poetic and all things that allude to the tormented heart. but as i read the second stanza aloud I feel you lost the connection and kept writing. Do you see how you have consonance in the first two lines, but it is happenstance.. with the z and the 2 s'.. but then in the third stanza it is totally forced? I would say go back to those first lines and reconnect because ...