wildbluefaerie has no favorites yet.
wildbluefaerie's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Loveland, CO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 02
LOC: Loveland, CO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 02
This user has not yet uploaded an urbis user description/profile.
Items
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
I lay on my back in the cool grass and felt the gentle warmth of the sun on my face. Yet simultaneously, so faint as to be almost imperceptible, I could feel the hard grain of a chair beneath me and the gravel of the road on my bare feet. The dew of the grass was wet against my cheek, but my skin remained dry. It was easy to ignore such distant sensations in the presence of the vividness of my surroundings. Colors were heightened beyond their usual vivacity. They were somehow more full of lif...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Prologue In the days of King Áedán, a legend was born. A legend whose acts of faith and miracles would be carried from generation to generation in tale. In the days when druids ruled and evil magic permeated the land, a figure rose up to fight for what he believed in. But fight with a sword and a shield he did not, instead using the wit of his tongue and the blade of his reason to bring people to the truth. His name was Diarmid. The son of a bishop and the grandson of a priest, ...
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
Dew clung resolutely to the leaves of the age-old oak, which quivered in the pre-dawn rapture. I stood with my eyes closed and my chin raised and allowed the unearthly strain to wash over me. The notes of the melody poured forth, each one simple and beautiful, and when they came together as one they shimmered in my mind’s eye. I sang from my heart, allowing the melody to lead my voice along unknown paths. A call in the distance cut through my reverie. I stopped singing abruptly, and soon the ...
Version 3
1 Review
0 Comments
It was dawn, and life could never be the same. Oh, the trappings of life would go on as ever before – unchanging and unrepentant, day after day, and year after year, hideously enduring until its inevitable end. Yet the one living it was but a shadow of her former self, and could never again occupy her life in such a manner as she had before that fateful, white night. For who could go on after such a dreadful experience? Who could live on – hoping, wishing, pretending that life could be joyful...
Version 1
1 Review
3 Comments
Dew clung resolutely to the leaves of the age-old oak, which quivered in the pre-dawn rapture. I stood with my eyes closed and my chin raised and allowed the unearthly strain to wash over me. The notes of the melody poured forth, each one simple and beautiful, and when they came together as one shimmered in my mind’s eye. I sang from my heart, allowing the melody to lead my voice along unknown paths. A call in the distance cut through my reverie; I stopped singing abruptly, and soon the vesti...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
First of all, you have some definite writing talent. You have some great phrases of description that really draw the reader into the story, such as the cement on the MC's thigh. I like you're style as well. That said, a few critiques: >his eyes swelled with wannabe tears.< You were doing so create with the narrative, and then you throw in a word like "wannabe." It sort of threw me when I read that... it doesn't seem to fit the tone of the writing at all, and it doesn't even really make ...
My first thought is that the character is a bit self-righteous - is that what you intended? He goes on and on in the first paragraph about how generous and hard working he is, and that he doesn't want credit for that because that's the "way it should be." I do actually agree with that sentiment - true acts of love and generosity require neither recognition nor reward - but it's the way it comes across with the character - as pride. Not to mention the contradiction of not wanting any credit an...
Hmm... I like it. Reflecting what comes close to a compulsion, or an addiction for some of us. It's like writing is so much a part of us that we can no more stop writing than stop breathing or eating. Very nice! Simply phrased yet spot on.
My first suggestion is this - you begin with a long description of your mc's character and looks. One paragraph you can probably get away with, but after that you're going to lose your reader. It's much better to start with action, and to show the reader all these details about the character by how she interacts with other people, how to reacts to events, etc. It's always better to show rather than tell. When writing a story, it's never a good idea to sit down and write long explanations - it...
I don't know if these errors have already been pointed out, but you mentioned mistakes in grammar/punctuation/spelling, so: "pictureing the day when he would come" - "picturing" "She Gave him a locket. Inside she had writen, Forever and Always Truely Yours, Along side her picture" should be: "She gave him a locket. Inside she had written, 'Forever and Always Truly Yours' Alongside her picture" - Now maybe you could leave "truely," as it is a child writing, but that would have to be intentiona...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People














