Aside from some minor spelling mistakes and an abruptness of rhythm, I like your imagery and phrasing. The first 5 lines show great promise but after that you seemed to have lost the rhythm and the flow. I really like the words you use and how you put them together. They are great individually or as a single line, but they don't quite mesh well with the first 5 lines. Maybe you'd consider re-writing and polishing up a little? Just my two cents. ;) Jules

This seems to me a poem about a boyhood friendship and shared memories, and how the two characters have moved on in their lives. It feels like a very personal poem, something you would write to your friend on a special occasion just to reminisce. I like it. Cheers, Jules

Haha. What goes on in a woman's sauna? Well wouldn't you like to know? ;P I had my first experience in a gym sauna not too long ago. Now, being not even 20 and somewhat naive, I assumed a woman's sauna would be a haven where I could steam away my aches in privacy. Well, how wrong I was. While this gym had no particular guidelines on clothes [or the lack thereof] in the sauna, every single woman [and this is Asia here where some semblance of modesty still prevails] chose to go nekkie and proud...

Wow. This Ryan must really love April not to tell on her. I'm guessing he knew it was her all along. ;)

I like the heart and soul behind this poem. The only gripe I have is that you could spend a little more effort on polishing it. It is raw but it shows promise, as a diamond in the rough does. Writing, whether prose or poetry, is all about improving and polishing. The problem is that I can certainly read it as a poem, but as lyrics? Not quite yet, my friend. You have a talent for verse, but you need to work on it. ;) Cheers, Jules

This reminds me of Imbruglia's song Torn. It isn't the same of course, but I like the way you stripped the person's soul apart and laid bare his/her vulnerability. It's a powerful piece and I can definitely see it as the lyrics for a hit song. ;) Cheers, Jules

Hell yeah. Put it to music!!! I see definite potential in this piece. Besides the obvious lyricism [so often lacking from cheesy pop lyrics] there is a rhythm that sets it apart from other poems masquerading as lyrics. I think one of the indications of good lyrics is that the reader can immediately see it as a song, and not just verse. Keep up the good stuff!! Cheers, Jules ;)

Kind of reminds me of my own simple black cocktail dress that has seen everything from formal weddings to semi-formal office dos to everything in between. It has become sort of my 'uniform' whenever I am too lazy to pick out an outfit for a special outfit. Too bad everyone notices when a lady wears the same dress twice but not for a man, huh? As for my own business suits, I have a favourite black skirt suit that was off-the-rack but fit me like bespoke. At $70 during the department-store sale...

This is great!! I'm itching to hear the rest of Sera and Joan's story. Having recently come to the conclusion that I am in all likelihood bi, this short piece struck a chord deep within. Like Sera, I was lost to her. My heart was somehow stolen from me and I had no say in it. I wasn't looking for a relationship with a woman but it just...happened. This is LOVE. I definitely want to read the rest of this story. It has potential to be published as a novel, if you choose to make it that long. I ...

I couldn't put it more aptly or more fittingly. This is a great piece. It's wonderful how you took a well-known tune and put your own words into it. I think I'd end up singing YOUR lyrics to the song now. =D Yours in Christ, Jules