Some redundancies... "just us two" - drop the two. You are talking to your subject, no others are mentioned, it's superfluous to enumerate here. Some confusing images... "befitting legacy" - befitting whom? Howso? Be more descriptive when the language is confusing like this. Sometimes less is more, but sometimes, as here, less is merely less. Last 3 lines - do NOT change them in the least. They are a strong conclusion, and the images are very clear. Rework the rest of it, but be sure that the...

Your images are wonderfully evocative - highly emotionally charged and it works well with the brevity of your language. It's wonderful when a writer can use fewer words to get the point across - less chance for mistakes in interpretation. I'd say you've got yourself a publish-ready piece here.

Your subject could be better expressed... You get the glitter and the glam down, but what about the anticipation, the excitement, the emotions? The last two lines of each of the first three stanzas are trite. They could either be condensed or done away with altogether. They take up space that you could use to flesh out the mood and the tone. If you feel they are necessary (repetition CAN be a useful tool) then be sure that you are ALSO making the piece solid enough to survive without them. Yo...

1. Be aware of your grammar. It's not unimportant. It's what allows your piece to be understood by your audience. (Be careful of spelling, punctuation and tenses especially.) 2. Use your words. Be sure that the word you're using actually means what you think it does, and what you want it to say. (Your use of "amongst" is incorrect in both places - it's a plural and your subjects are singular.) 3. Hold a cohesive thought/image/idea. Be sure that your piece has as linear a trajectory as possibl...

Great images - the only problem I see with this piece is a lack of linear cohesion. Your lines should not have breaks if they are not whole thoughts. You start out with very short lines that are incomplete thoughts... then you seem to graduate from that into very well written stanzas - it's odd, but this piece seems to do the opposite of what most writers fall into - you have a weak beginning and weak ending, but a very solid and strong centre. Rework both the beginning and the ending to be m...

I think that you have something interesting to say here, but it's difficult to pick it out. I'm all for breaking rules in poetry, but first you have to have a firm grasp of them - this piece lacks focus, which could be given by something as simple as a structure. It is difficult to follow your flow and rhythm when your piece - despite punctuation - acts more like a long run-on sentence than a coherent piece of literature. Consider breaking it up into more easily digestible pieces, and then br...

This piece lacks focus... it reads more like prose than poetry. Try giving it a structure, which will only help the reader to find and follow your rhythm - the voice of your work is lost - it reads like a ramble. Your images are good, but again, without a structure, they just get lost. Break up your lines and bring it back - I'd be interested to see just how you intend it to be read.

An amazing piece - brief and to the point (much as the flame that is your metaphor). Your line breaks are immaculate and your images are succinct. If I were to correct anything at all, it would be to add punctuation at then end of your line breaks, or to avoid puntuation at all (at the end of the piece). Either would be good, but with two slightly different feels. 1. Three solid thoughts, combined into a cohesive piece with definitive endings. 2. One solid piece, but with an open, lingering q...

Wonderful protest piece, and I love the tone - it's a very powerful voice. In critique, be sure to watch your grammar and also that you're using the appropriate word - You/Your, Then/Than, etc. The last line of the first stanza... if you really are trying to have "soon" be the answer to the question posed, then you should use some puntuation to establish that... "only a matter of time... soon" or "only a matter of time: soon". Something like that. Your second stanza is the strongest. Remember...

I'm usually not fond of rhyming meters, but this one successfully makes the rhyme secondary to the flow of the piece. Wonderfully crafted in that. Fix your title. Amongst is not appropriate. It should simply be "Among". Amongst is far too archaic for the tone of this piece. Otherwise, a great memorial piece.