vangogh414's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 28
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 28
Pseudonym
If I chose a pseudonym
would it be man
or woman
Maybe I would take
my father’s middle
my mother’s maiden
and make my new face
David Bradley
and someday we would meet
and fall in love
I would marry David Bradley
but what would we call
the children
Items
Version 1
8 Reviews
0 Comments
vida escritura: gentle arrow, burning kiss.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
Within the World's tapestry, a Word.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 1
35 Reviews
3 Comments
I didn’t want to sleep, so I crawled through my window and out onto the lawn. The sky was a milky pale grey as either the sun rose or moon fell, I wasn’t sure; my clock on my bedside table had stopped days ago, and neither Josiah, my roommate, or I were planning on fixing it. I crawled up to the sitting rock, the place Rhiannon showed me when we were twelve. She was my best friend then, even though it was weird for a guy to have a girl as their best friend and not girlfriend at that time. I ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
7 Reviews
1 Comment
Goodnight, young sailor, gentle rest I bid upon thy tender breast For where you wander, I’ll not know Nor would I ever dare to go Goodnight, young warrior, gently dream May all good fortunes to thee teem Sweet rest and journey be thy ain, Until ‘pon wake we meet again Goodnight, beloved, ever more The jewel, the treasure, I adore Upon a star I pray for thee To stop awhile, to dream of me
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
8 Reviews
2 Comments
Why don’t you finally crack open That can that’s been hoping that you finally would Our fire’s crackling higher You have the desire Or at least I think you probably should The night sky’s not waiting forever So why don’t you take the chance It’s up to you, it’s now or never So why don’t you stand up and dance to the night sky All our marshmallows are roasted They’ve gone and got toasted in this passing hour Look can you see the sun rising I think that it’s hiding A meteor shower See, the nigh...
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Reviews
This poem says so much in so few words! The line "And moved up" suggests that the place the narrator is isn't the best situation, or at least wasn't as far up as this neighbor wanted to be. Soup (or soups) becomes so familiar in this poem; it is the sense of the familiarity of home that the narrator suggests the neighbor lost when he/she moved. Really great in terms of eliciting that sense of home and the familiar, and reminding your readers how something so small can often be what makes us f...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Your phrasing is beautiful. I love certain phrases like "black nirvana" and the final stanza ("Lucky/It's too dark..."). One thing I'm questioning, based on the areas you asked to have reviewed, is "Amuse/Entertain/Warm a few hearts". In terms of entertaining, as a piece of poetry, it definitely does. But the poem as a whole has such a dark feeling; the "light" you present is fleeting, you "give chase" only "until [you] fall again", etc. I get the idea of someone trying to rise out of a dark ...
Your lyrics have a very good flow. A few questions/problematic points: Who is the "we" you begin with in the first line? This is really the only plural address in the song; I'd consider revising so it flows better with the rest. A small grammatical note: it's "you're hung", not "your." These are some nice lyrics! Good job.
This is very nice! A good haiku captures several images and concepts in few words, which you've managed to do quite nicely. The only thing I'd suggest, on a technical-image note (i.e., how your poem looks), would be removing the periods at the end of each line-- you don't really need end-stops in haiku form, as it's not adding anything to the interpretation!
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