You asked specifically for feedback on the ending, so I'll mention that first. Overall, I liked the little twist you gave it at the end there, making the story really about the throw-away line about her mother needing to call a lawyer. It was a nce touch to emphasise that Julia is missing out on her life now by worrying about her future (a paraphase of a line I particularly liked :)). However, the flaw, to me, was that the consequences Tiel was showing Julia felt too dispirate and arbitrary. ...

My only real comment would be on the structure. The short, stoccatto sentances as paragraphs works wuite well to emphasise the heat of sexual desire - to me, the breathlessness and passion is mirrored well with the structure, but in the middle section where they're buying the condoms it feels like it should revert to a more normal structure. Hope that makes sense :/ (The "thankyou readers" line stuck out a bit, but if it's part of a longer story, I'm sure that would make more sense :))

I know I'm meant to give 'in-depth crit' and I normally try to, but all I can really say is I thought it was great - very powerful stuff and it had a good structure to it, and told a clear story, with clear motivations. There were a handful of typos here and there, so I'd give it another proof, and in my experience vodka bottles are actually extremely hard to actually break, but the easily broken bottle is a conceit that's well established, so no need to change it :) I liked it a great deal.

Personally I prefer B, although actually I would take the 2nd line of A and replace it in B - to me, heart's delight and soul reviver is slightly "as expected" whereas the flip is just that little bit more beautiful.

I think it's excellent. At first it didn't feel much like a prologue - more like a proper chapter; however, the sudden switch to the young girl and the apparant violence and gore of the ritual really drew me in, and the mystery of the tall, dark and handsome man in black, with the ending did make it feel a lot more like a prologue. It's very well done, in my opinion, and you left a sufficient number of questions hanging in the air to really make me want to read more.

Wow, that kinda grossed me out on oh so many levels - pales of vomit, dogs crapping in kitches, eating of dog turds, and uncleaned toilets and baths... makes me kinda queesy. Which I guess is a pretty good reflection of how well written it was, that you managed to capture my attention and get that reaction from me. As I say, not pleasent for me, but certainly well written :).

Quite the diatribe. I like especially how almost each line could be taken as a statement in isolation and conveys in essence the point as a whole, or you can read it as a constant stream of output in one vitriolic burst from someone and it still works. It's almost completely lacking in any sort of sympathetic edge, which I like, but makes it hard to read (or a hard read, rather). Perhaps if there was just the one line hinting more strongly at the inner insecurities of "e", or the reason they'...