Well, you start to bring up some good points - but it's difficult to understand what you are getting at because your prose is so bogged down. You spent more time on the abstract introduction that getting to your opinion - which is the most important part of this, right? I think so. Your opinions are tied up in too many ideas. I'm not sure what the government spending lots of money on propaganda to prove their rightness has to do with gay marriage. I see that you are linking them but I'm not s...

I loved this. Isn't this something we've all experienced? Even with in the limitations of the syllables you managed to convey the horrible frustrating disappointment of seeing the "blue screen of death." Fabulous job. This is a perfect 10.

I loved the warning about British humor. I'm not British though I found this hilarious. I love how you equate the vile farmer with an animal; although, I'm of the opinion that might be overly insulting to the animals. This here has to be my favorite bit about the farmer and the animals. The bull and the farmer seemed to be at one with each other. I wondered if they were related. You've got a fabulous comedic voice. There were some spots where you have noun/verb agreement wrong - "we was" in t...

I like the character voice you've got. But I'm not sure of the plausibility of said voice. I have a hard time suspending my disbelief to accept this point of view - from the newborn baby, that is. It's an interesting take though. You've captured a voice that rarely gets heard. And it's a gruesome thing you've described. I loved the line: "bill collectors looking to take away my blanky for I know it" - but the "for" confuses me. Should it be before? If you're looking to use the colloquial pron...

I really like how you use single verbs as lines: "Confess" "Repent" "Believe" "Disperse" "Commence" "Terminate." They make me feel like someone is talking to me. Although, I'm not clear on what is happening in the poem. What is the venom? What is the virus? Is it sin? If it is I would make it clearer. As it stands this poem is very abstract. Yes, things of a spiritual matter are abstract but in order to make the poem really work, and work well, you need to link the abstract to the concrete. M...

I love these two words next to each other: "perched precariously". It sounds delicate and to me evokes the later image of the glass "rocking" gently. This is very descriptive - you do know how to use your words. I wish you had used a different descriptor than "blood-red" for the wine. It's cliche and takes away from the point. Why is it important that the wine be related to blood? Is there a better word you could use to both evoke color and underscore the tone of the moment? I think you could...

I like that you have stanzas that start with I am ... and give voice tho those we don't give voice to. However I was distracted at times by the words you chose to use. I'm going to use your first stanza as an example - because I noticed this throughout as I was reading. This poem is a great start. I think it could be wonderful if there was a bit of tweaking. The catalogue of emotions exhibited toward the disabled child is a nice touch. I like the way that flows. You used your punctuation to y...

This was fabulous. It was very evocative. Your use of imagery and description is stunning. From the first stanza to the last you held me. I loved the allusion to My Antonia. This stanza is my favorite: I am a prairie daughter, child of September snows and yellow winds muddy waters coarse through my veins leaving dirt, traces, maps on my skin— It is very vivid. I can feel the prairie - and the effect it had on the person who is bound up in it metaphorically and literally. My favorite image is ...

I really like this. I think you've got great talent as a writer from this piece. You're able to capture a sentiment in minimalist terms. That being said, however, this isn't something that is new. The idea of the black man being born black and dying a man is almost a cliche. I do like how you use the derogatory terms, though and own them. The use of Lord, O Lord in the final stanza is a wonderful allusion to the old slave songs, I think. It reminded me of reading Frederick Douglass. This was ...

I really like the rhythm you establish by using such short stanzas. It flows smoothly. I think that the repetition of the phrase "Never ending pain" gets to be a bit much - you repeat it so much and use it for the title that it loses its punch. I'm not sure that the repitition of the imagery of a heart beating like rain works - it does have that cyclical feel but again, to use it twice lessens the effectiveness of the image. I really like how you use words like "mental" "deranged" "neurotic" ...