sapphiretragedy's profile

The sentiment is great; however, this seems more like a stanza in a poem than a quotation. And is there a reason "kat" is spelled with a "k" rather than a "c"? And I'm not sure about the connection between the cat o' nine tails and Jesus Christ's flesh, either. Are you saying that your heart feels like the scourged flesh of Christ? Because if so, then the connection to Judgment Day is jarring. You have a good start. Keep writing!

It's very thought provoking. However, the sentiment seems cliche.

I love how your capitalization pattern mimics Blake's. That poet follows me everywhere, I tell you. This reminded me of "Little Lamb" and "The Shepherd" from Songs of Innocence. You managed to capture Blake's cynicism, I think. That perfect moment shattered by impending doom, which is always just there hovering over everything. Very well done. I admire anyone who can read and understand Blake, let alone do both well enough to find such brilliant inspiration form his work. Kudos to you on a jo...

Wow. You're very good at using description to your advantage. Really very very good at it. You manage to say exactly what you want the reader to see while being minimalistic at the same time. This here is my favorite bit: Between an undercooked bagel and a smudged newspaper. You really get to see what kind of setting your describing and it's relatable. Fantastic there. This bit here was a bit clunky to read out loud: Cheap, Cheap like hair spray of the one who wore the smile. I can't figure o...

You've got a beautiful turn of phrase. This was a touching piece. You've captured a voice of uncertainty very well. I like how you move through the uncertainty to acceptance. This piece flows well. But somehow - it falls a bit flat. You do more telling than showing. You did a great job showing in this line here: "I touched his pale face, slightly sticky from the embalming chemicals." But then in the last paragraph, I feel the tightness of the piece unraveled a bit and I was left hanging. Keep...