This is another interesting, fast moving chapter that takes us back to the ancient world. Here are my humble suggestions: Revise the first sentence to remove the two adverbs. Using adverbs is ok. Using two in one sentence isn’t a capital crime. But I wouldn’t use two in the first sentence of the first chapter. Here is my recommendation: “Pine needles yielded their stubborn frost to the warmth in a southern breeze, forming pooled droplets that trickled over tree branches.” “…cabin…” is an ok w...

The narrative was in Hitler’s point of view, but it didn’t sound like his internal voice. For example, I can’t imagine Hitler thinking about how he failed his people. Instead, he would rail against the way his generals had failed him and his master race. He might consider that the people of Berlin deserve to be savaged by the mongrel Russians. Hitler was a mass murderer, not a serial killer. He didn’t think of himself that way. He might regret that his “final solution” could not be completed....

This is a well-written piece with good action, believable dialog, and engaging characters. Here are some humble suggestions: When the sun breaks the horizon, the sensory description is all visual. What about a perceived temperature change? What about a boost of energy that a person normally feels at sunrise when the sharp assault of light causes the brain to release serotonin into the bloodstream? Great line: “…death by claw or death by fall.” “His sister did not move.” This would be a good t...

This is pretty good. I got a clear idea that Kevin’s grief was pushing him over the edge. I’m not sure that this piece could ever achieve a ten because the range of the character arc is too short, but here are my humble suggestions: While Kevin might cry, he would not sit at his .50 cal and blubber. For men in Kevin’s circumstances all negative emotions have to pass through anger-management issues first. Then they emerge as neurotic behavior (aggression, depression, addiction) rather than a h...

Wow! Great twist. My recommendation is to spend more time with the sensory input (more than just visual) surrounding his revelation of destruction. What were the sounds? What were the smells? Was the air colder or warmer than it should have been? Was there wind? That sort of thing. Nice work.

Not bad.

Birth to present. Pretty good!

This sounds like a corporate motivational slogan--above criticism in its purpose but annoyingly flattering to the author and too vague to be meaningful to anyone else.

I interpret this to say that art generated only for artificial (or commercial, or false) purposes is sterile and won't bear fruit. I like the imagery.

This describes almost any life.