I like the play on words in your poem and apart from that it rhymes and it is quite emotional. Usually the word play tends to lose the meaning on the poem but it is not the case here. Though it gets a bit difficult to read I think you're on the right track with this one. So keep on doing it.

This is a great story. It's got a special rhythm, an epic trait and that comes out of the way is formatted as well. It looks like a poem without the rhymes. Very well written, nice feelings there. It's strange enough and it suits me well. "It was one of those rare clear and sunny English winter days. As I sat with a group I worked with, I looked up and saw her, she was quite a distance away. And she was obviously pregnant." - it's like someone is reciting this.