There are things I like about this, and things I think are a bit in need of tightening up. If you want to so obviously feature the "rosary" motif, I don't think you need to embed it in the first stanza, too, as an explicit part of the simile. Also, since the husband is male, having him described by the "Hail Mary," is a bit odd. The Rosary also starts with one recitation of "Our Father," which, being a male-centric prayer, might work even better for the husband verse. Also, you bump back-and-...