This is a poem that escapes me. I can invest in the cosmopolitan drudgery of the beginning, but as it develops I get lost. I feel like the poem gets lost as well. Instead of having a firm direction for it's entirety, the middle tracks off and leaves a very solid, well crafted beginning and ending floundering. There are some really great word smashes here. I love Bonsai Kittens, Storms Swarm and Galvanized Hope. Sometimes I get the impression poets are trying to infuse their work with mystery,...

This is a great start on the road of good cheese. There are a few things that I'd take a look at as you begin running with it. Tense is very important with the Noir genre. You have to stay in the past tense in order to let us all know that in the final showdown between Jack and the no-good-two-bit-hoods, Jack walks away (maybe with a knife in the side, but at least he's walking) and the hoods get put away. Second, the voice you're using is nice, but if I were you, I'd try using more contracti...

First of all, this is a very poor argument for non-excretion prevention for the nation, especially the nation from which I'm writing. They're just too happy when they die. Secondly, as disgusting as this story is, I read the whole thing...twice, and I liked it. The cause and effect you've put together pushes the reader onward. The only time I thought you were "trying to hard" was your use of the word "implement". It may suit your story better to go ahead and name the type of knife specificall...

In your query letter, don't spend any time telling us what your story isn't. For example, if you have to tell us it's not dry, we're left with a feeling of "we'll see about that..." Secondly, I thought there was a Supai tribe (they live at the bottom of the Grand Canyon near the falls that bear their name), yet you say it's a fictional tribe. I wanted to know more about how African American Blood had mixed with this tribe. It would be very interesting if you posed that in your query as well. ...

This is a good start to a story, though it's in serious need of an editor. Your voice is very well defined and spunky, but you take too much time (in my opinion) to get your point across. With some more focus, you have a fun read here. What sticks out most, is your reliance on spell check, and not other human proof readers. There are many times homonyms are used and they make you look less intelligent than you are. (for example: head used where heed should be, there are too many to name.) Thi...

There are a few form glitches to point out. If you've done them on purpose, then disregard. Line 1 Parentheical sonnet is a beat short Line 6 Bracket is one beat short (starts on the strong beat as well) Line 10 Bracket is one beat short Line 11 bracket is one beat short Line 11 Parenthetical has a cool inner rhythm, but the rest of the sonnet is so regular it trips me up. All in all a good piece of work. The combination of the beginning of life and it's last moments is fine. I do like the Pa...

This is by far and away the most powerful call to Salt a Sinus anywhere. I have only one critique, and that is this: Sarsaparilla...is that supposed to be Sasparilla? Like the drink? Other than that, my mouth and by brain enjoyed sounding out every word. It was delightfully nonsensical, and all of the contributing writers should be commended on maintaining a unity of voice (not an easy thing to do). Favorite word: Aftertangs (I'm going to use this someday soon...) Favorite Stanza: The last on...

This is a great first pass. Your grasp of the city layout is convincing. However instead of the "turned left" moments, it would be more fitting to use North, South directionals. I always get pulled out of a sci fi or fantasy story when hear words like "moron", but that may be alright with you. My favorite part and the one I had the most difficulty with is your battle encounter. I felt like you had your strokes and the steps laid out. What I didn't like was how cookie cutter the guards were. T...

This is a nicely unsettling work. The use of elipses really throws me off and I get the sense that imbalance is your goal here. I've never seen the words Consent and Contest that close together and their opposition works well. I'm not sure what is meant by the final phrase "Like a government mob" but if I strove to understand every one of these poems here, my brain would probably explode. If the intent of poetry is to cause a reaction, I have to say well done, though it's not a peice I see my...