Charisma's profile
AGE:
39
LOC: Williamstown, NJ
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 29
LOC: Williamstown, NJ
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 29
About Michael:
I write a lot of short stories based on a singular character, Michael Malone. If you click on the Michael tag, you’ll get to see all the stories in the series.
One of my Michael-stories, Mudo, was published in the Santa Clara Review. Another, California People, won a 100 dollar short story prize from Life for Change. In total six have been published. There are about thirty stories total. I’m currently working on editing the entire body of work as a short story collection in hopes of publication.
To read even more about Michael, you can check his live journal here: http://michael-malone.livejournal.com
About me:
My name is Laura Cushing , I’m a 38 year old music journalist / band lackey. I write a weekly music…
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Write? With real ideas, technically edit.
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Twenty sleepless nights. One lousy idea.
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Write right! Delete, backspace, sigh. Again...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
----One--- I didn't argue none when daddy told me Matty weren't no good. Wouldn't have helped-- he wouldn't have believed me. "Demons got hold of that boy," Daddy said, then swore a lot while putting the instruments away. Daddy's band was playing down at the Divine, and Matty'd 'bout ruined the show. I didn't add that the demons possessing him were kind of literal like, neither. "I took his trumpet as payment," said Daddy, "'cause it was what'd hurt him the most. Trumpet's about the only thin...
Version 2
11 Reviews
6 Comments
Hey. Um... Hey there. I'm not really good at these things, so I suppose I'll start at the beginning-- or maybe more like the middle. I guess I'm not all that much of a story teller- I'm more of a musician than anything. Give me a six string that's reasonably in tune and I'm good to go. But give me something to say in front of people and this happens. I freeze up. More than just a little stage fright- we're talking the Titanic iceberg kind of frozen. No sound, no words, the occasional glottal ...
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Reviews
... did you choose enough rating criteria for six words? Christ. Not bad though, it did have a certain appeal in being open ended.
There's way too much 'As' in this story. As this happens, that is also happening.. etc. There are also some pretty awkward phrasings. To take one example: "As Stanley shared his experiences, I looked deeply at his eyes and besides the occasional tear building up, I could detect a certain level of pride." could be written much more clearly as: "I looked deeply into Stanley's tearful eyes. He spoke of his experiences with a certain element of pride." This eliminates the need for the 'as' entire...
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