unsaid's profile

The imagery is clear in this piece. I got a good picture of the man asking for change. The ending troubles me. I get that the speaker is asked for change and then moments later goes and buys some stuff and doesn't even bother with the change. Change doesn't matter but there's a disconnect in the last line that lessens the power of the overall statement of the piece for me. I'd consider removing "without even thinking about it". That could be illustrated with an image instead of being stated o...

How clever! I totally can not see the reference in the 3rd stanza though. I appreciated the imagery in that stanza though. I can tell this piece took a lot of thought but it doesn't come off as forced, it comes off as being well-crafted and definitely entertaining.

The tone of the piece, the incomplete sentences, worked since you were conveying a memory. The few tense issues threw me off: "speaking a tongue that is not very clear to me"-- the tense issue jarred me. Maybe "is" should be "was"? Here to: "Twenty years has passed"...maybe "has" should be "have". I totally think you could have ended the piece without those last four lines. I enjoyed this piece for what it revealed. Pretty bold.

This piece makes a bold statement. I'm a little confused about how I'm supposed to feel though. Is the speaker of the piece angry with "Slick Willy", it seems so, but then the piece ends by saying that "we've found one of our kind" which seems like it's supposed to be a good thing, right? And what exactly did Slick Willy do wrong, it isn't really clear and because of relevance the subject matter, I actually would like to know and think this piece could be a vehicle for that point of view. I t...

This piece does what I think a poem should do-- it brought me into this moment. You used some great images in this piece and the ending worked for me "a cheap imitation of forever"...I totally get it! So you probably could have left out the two lines "a perfect moment, immortalized"...just not needed because you made this reader feel that so it can go unsaid.