uninvisible826's profile

This is so fabulous. I have no criticism for you. I love it.

You know it would seem the best part of this little contest is seeing how people use ambiguity to convey their ideas. I think you did this very well. I had such a fun reaction to this poem. It made me laugh to myself after about half a minute of reflection. Don't I do this all the time? Try to see myself mirrored in poems, songs, whatever? It really speaks to the relationship had between people and art. A rather selfish one-sided relationship at that: 'Yeah this is cool but...where am I in th...

Alright right on. I'm left wondering love and lust in what manifestations. Yeah right on. There isn't much I can say here. Seriously though, what love was killed by what lust?

I think 'begs' and 'beat over the head' seem to contradict each other. While begs seems to humbly request, beat seems to imply a lack of care or discretion. How can something humbly request to impose itself on you? Was that what you were going for?

Alright. A couple things... First off. You have a single coherent theme, and you vamp on this theme. You employed a rather inconsistent (not necessarily a bad thing) for of repetition. Additionally you've developed a sort of call and response sort of structure to this piece, in which you state its purpose, elaborate, then restate. My criticism lies in the fact that you don't really describe in detail your stress. A great way to draw in the reader is to develop a lot of personal material uniqu...