tstone's profile

tstone avatar
AGE: 30
LOC: Indianapolis, IN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 03

I am more interested in the splashes of words that make up a story than in the story itself.  I like obscure tangents, keen observations, fantastically drawn conclusions, and dry humor in necessary places. Besides that, revealing character and advancing the plot are fine goals I hope to one day consider.

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Items
Novel Treatments / Prologue/Ch. 1 "Rose and Lilly"
Version 4
0 Reviews   0 Comments
ooo White flakes, like wet confetti grated from the pulp of some albino fruit, tumbled delicately from the overcast, 2am sky. The firmament itself was a peculiar tint of gray and pastel blue, uniquely bright considering the time, and where it met with the horizon some miles ahead was anyone’s guess. Slight, subdued hills bubbled randomly up from the earth, but mostly the landscape was flat. The sloping banks on either side gave a vague indication of where the buried and trackless road might b...
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Reviews
Novel Treatments / The Coachman: Prologue and Chapter One
by RPierce
"Alright then. Catch up with me later." - As per your reviewers' notes, the phrase seems a bit modern. Maybe: "Find me later." Same thing a few paragraphs down: ""Yeah yeah," Euticus said," -- nothing major, but disrupts the flow a bit. The narration is good. I would simply keep an eye on the dialogue. As stated above, there are a few instances where the dialogue is not necessarily wrong, but a bit inconsistent with the archaic feel you've established. I realize that this must be a difficult ...
Short Story / A Bear Story
by Ch0ronzon
- 3/4 into story: "..credit Restless Soul somewhat to say that he did not give in immediately—but he did." Reads a little awkwardly. Try: "-but, eventually/finally/in the end, he did." - "While most creatures slept, Brother Owl, he was awake." Reads as if the narrator is addressing the reader as Brother Owl. Lose the "he"; i.e., "..slept, Brother Owl was awake." ((Side note: Might be an interesting idea, though: to pull the reader in even more, consider referring directly to the reader as if ...
Poetry / Sir, they've torn my throat out.
by tia_logic
i love this. you put me right there in the room with you. sorry i don't have more of a "critique" for you.. i just like it the way it is. refund if necessary.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Disappearing Act-Intro
by Anonymous
not a bad opening, but a few suggestions: it seems to me that Crew would likely call out her name before rushing to the television. even if you FIRST have him call out casually, THEN check the t.v., and THEN call out again in desperation. he moves a bit too quickly from waking to panic (while remaining composed enough to check the news, first.) another small detail: if so many people have disappeared, it seems odd that the news would pause to report about "some kid's grandma." this might work...
Stage Play / Close One
by printpattern
do you mean to repeat: "been there and back" twice? - right after YOUNG MAN is wounded in shoulder. besides that, i really can't find anything grammatically wrong.. this is the 2nd time i've read this, the 1st being about a month ago, and i think that if you can get someone like me to read something twice - not just "read," but read carefully - you've got something. i don't have the opportunity to review many plays, but i really like this. you keep the reader jumping, never really sure who to...
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