tomlinson23's profile
AGE:
16
LOC: Cortland, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 29
LOC: Cortland, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 29
This user has not yet uploaded an urbis user description/profile.
Items
Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
Paradox Pt.2 The pair of "Ronnies" had moved to a nearby picnic table while the Ronnie from the future had told his story. Present Ronnie (Past Ronnie to Future Ronnie) sat confounded on the bench as he tried to light another cigarette, but couldn’t because his hand was shaking so much. The entire time Future Ronnie (Present Ronnie to himself) had been talking, present Ronnie had felt a pulling feeling from inside him. He convinced himself not to worry and hat it was only an ulcer he had been...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
It was a cold October day. Not unlike any other day that had preceded it. The leaves were red, just like they had been the day before. An old man was raking leaves off his lawn, just like he had been the day before. And even late in the afternoon it began to rain, just like the day before. Days seemed to run together in the mind of Jack. The rain seemed like it had always been there and probably always would. Jack couldn’t remember the last time he had worn shorts, probably because for the pa...
Version 2
8 Reviews
0 Comments
Paradox Ronnie stood on the street corner where he lit his cigarette. The glowing embers on the end of that camel calmed him down. The embers seemed to glow and illuminate the almost pitch black air outside. The air smelled rancid. “Well that’s what I get for living in a big city, high crime rate, and low hygiene.” Ronnie said to no one in particular. A small rat plopped itself beside a garbage can and seemed to look longingly at the contents. Ronnie graciously tipped the can over and spilled...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Paradox Ronnie stood on the street corner where he lit his cigarette. The glowing embers on the end of that camel calmed him down. The embers seemed to glow and illuminate the almost pitch black air outside. The air smelled rancid. “Well that’s what I get for living in a big city, high crime rate, and low hygiene.” Ronnie said to no one in particular. A small rat plopped itself beside a garbage can and seemed to look longingly at the contents. Ronnie graciously tipped the can over and spilled...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
This piece is impressive especially seeing the age of the author. As a young author this piece is well put together, although needing some plot thickening, I assume this is only the beginning of a larger piece. Assuming this is the exposition and characters are being introduced less time is allowed to be spent on the plot, but some time must be spent on antagonist as well as protagonist. I feel a bit too much time was spent describing the characters and what they were wearing just seemed out ...
This is fantastic. Slightly strange seeing a new Robin Hood adventure out there, especially after reading many of them myself. This is very well written, only a few spelling errors. The language fits the time period nicely and Characters show depth. The Shakespeare at the end bothers me a little only because it seems out of place coming from the mouth of a thief. Overall, a very nice play with a strong and a character that reminds me of "Don Quixote"
This piece is incredibly well put together. The author of this script has a lot of talent, some of which can still be tapped into. Although I feel the ancient setting, in the beginning some slang throws the mood for me. Replacing words such as "yeah" and "nah" with more formal words would be a perfect fit for this piece.
The imagery in this story is beautiful. The main character shows much depth and is very believable. The dream sequence is slightly confusing, but very interesting. This story had my full attention even from the first few lines. Although it becomes very disorientating after the dream. Altogether this story is very well thought out and beautifully written. This author is extremely talented.
This is a truly incredible story. I am very impressed with it, its very creative and the characters are three-dimensional. The main character shows so much potential and is very deep. Although the occasional spelling error appears altogether it is a very very good piece, would love to read more of it. I'm going to keep my eye on this author.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People






