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tmdown's profile
AGE:
28
LAST LOGIN: November 04
LAST LOGIN: November 04
I’m a Council Communist (read: libertarian marxist) with literary aspirations. Yeah, I’m pretty trite.
Currently, I’m a senior at Ohio University, double-majoring in history and english, creative writing. In my spare time (read: in place of studying), I run http://www.redapollo.org, a relatively new site dedicated to literature of the anti-establishment variety. You may also read more of my writing at http://galimatias.redapollo.org.
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Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
“Adjust.” Lisa said, reaching across the chessboard to a black pawn. She’d always been a fan of laws and regulation, and she observed them even in sandbox chess. She stared at the board, her fingers caressing the pawn. Strands of curled red hair fell upon her cheeks, wriggling like baby snakes at the slightest movement. “I still don’t understand what you’re talking about.” Vincent stirred his coffee, and watched the strange frothy spirals that seemed to emerge through its own volition. “Okay,...
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Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
It could take hours for us to die. A rubber bible lies dormant in the tub. Rosaries bead on the walls like flies, and John the Baptist-- Oh, he grins like a devil. He wears our skin for boots. Our Father, Mr. clockwork hands repeatedly breaking, repeatedly breaking, repeatedly breaking our necks. Loose, ragged skin, clipped and counted Draped like clothes on a line We Hang-- (Save yourself, my Humunculi He shall not set you free with soft promises, artful hands. The son, he sleeps in our scre...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
2 Comments
The United States of America has taught me that if the alpha male gives you a box, you goddamn better decorate the cardboard walls. And so I decorate my goddamn walls.
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I'm very impressed by both the vivid imagery in this piece as well as the surprise ending--a surprise, I think, because I expected this to be another drawn out story (flash, rather) about how big a bastard someone's ex is, and how they stand on a pedastal in comparison. Kudos for breaking the stereotype! It's not something that's easily done when dealing with such content. This has made me, strangely, despise the girl, even though I know the guy had apparently done something similar. I think ...
This is a sincerely anti-feminine quote, and for that I'm a bit against. However, despite that, this is one big run-on sentence--care to fix that? Generally, run-on sentences don't make the big book of quotes. If this is said from a character's particular point of view--which I hope--I still can't bring myself to like it. Perhaps I'm missing something, but it doesn't even seem sarcastic, which perhaps would make it humorous; it seems, at most, just an attempt to be offensive.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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While I empathize with both characters in the story, I don't think the story itself is told well. For one, there's nothing *happening*; that is, the narrator simply states what is and isn't without actually describing what happened and didn't. There's no dialogue, either, which is a useful device to give characters individual personalities. I understand the theme of the story, and I think it's a decent one. I just don't think you pull it off with the the current method of narration--I'd much ...
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A good story. Honestly, I can't think of any real suggestions to make, which is rare for me (and sometimes unwelcome). I might suggest more action and less telling, but really this story seems to lend itself to telling rather than action, for the most part. I'm not sure I can *entirely* relate to the main character, but that's to be expected, I think. Living in the midwest US, I've not much exposure to the latino culture, although I'm increasingly becoming aware of it; as such, in any case, I...
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