titanicbrittanic's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: Amherst, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 23
LOC: Amherst, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 23
Writing is the most therapeutic thing to me; I am told I am not all that bad at stringing a few words together either, so it is all the better that what I produce from stress may entertain someone else. If you are not entertaining while writing, why bother putting the thoughts on paper?
I am the average homosexual teenager; I am looking for love and not ashamed to say it openly. I thought I found it, but I was proved wrong. I have stressed for close to a year over this and in the past two months, I have started to write a semi-fictional story based on what has hurt me the most. I have other plot outlines that I want to write about at the moment, but this one came to me first. My other plots are all very different from this one; I don’...
(more)
Items
Version 17
0 Reviews
0 Comments
The moment John Henkin's bride-to-be called to schedule a conference, I knew that I would never see a bride the same way. Her immediate tone was one of aggravation, as if I had already ruined her big day at the alter. A need to rush was my immediate response to her demands. Running around, trying to get things done would be hard enough, but the premature pressure of a bride never contributes to the perfect wedding banquet. Not in my entire career had I experienced such dread before this inter...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
"No matter what you say, I doubt you even know what it is that you truly want!" This truth of Andrew's life was not something that was easy for me to just shout out in public, but the crowd cheered in response. This crowd had joined us when the arguement had erupted from our table. What more could a pack of social vultures ask for than a true blood bath? They had wanted a show, being the drama-starved Queens and whores that they were. I was obliged to give them one, since I would never see an...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
"Take these; I no longer need them," he said, his arm out stretched. I looked into the grubby palm of the man who had been stained by society's waste. Why should he be on the street and not the opressive CEOs of conglomerates? What made him the weak link? Why should he have no roof over his head when many had more than enough? In that palm was a strand of wooden beads and stones, red, black, and brown on a single strand. I looked at the homeless man, still wondering why he was on a street cor...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 16
0 Reviews
0 Comments
The moment John Henkin's bride-to-be called to schedule a conference, I knew that I would never see a bride the same way. Her immediate tone was one of aggravation, as if I had already ruined her big day at the alter. A need to rush was my immediate response to her demands. Running around, trying to get things done would be hard enough, but the premature pressure of a bride never contributes to the perfect wedding banquet. Not in my entire career had I experienced such dread before this inter...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 15
0 Reviews
0 Comments
The moment John Henkin's bride-to-be called to schedule a conference, I knew that I would never see a bride the same way. Her immediate tone was one of aggravation, as if I had already ruined her big day at the alter. A need to rush was my immediate response to her demands. Running around, trying to get things done would be hard enough, but the premature pressure of a bride never contributes to the perfect wedding banquet. Not in my entire career had I experienced such dread before this inter...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
This is a great start to something; if you build that depression in the book, this can go far. Try and capture as much of the childood feeling as you can. Try not to make it feel like an adult retelling a child's stress. Some flashbacks told at the same level of a child could add some interest.
I think any more is anymore... I hate to say it, but this is not the greatest poem in the world. It has the common theme of sorrow without the passionate emotion to carry it. Only at the end is there any SHOCK. Not depression, but just shock, wondering of what the razor is for. Your presentation is great and your punctuation looks passable. I would just concentrate on trying to play the reader's emotions.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
This is a great parody on the old "liar liar" rhyme. I would suggest working on your punctuation (use commas rather than nothing at all). I see some of the anger; I SEE it, I do not feel it. What makes poetry great is emotion. I want to feel the rage you have for this woman and her awful ways. She is a whore or something of that description! You want the world to know how horrid she is! Tell all and let us see blinding rage! Your word choice could be stronger to make this more powerful (no su...
You want to know what grabs my attention the most to make this a great poem? Your moral. You actually wrote a poem to serve a purpose OTHER than express emotion- good for you. You keep this poem light, playful, and even at the most morbid part you bring in some laughter. This is a very entertaining piece. Your punctuation is fantastic, as is your presentation and your spelling. Your names are all capatilized and your words are spelled correctly. I see no real faults with this at all. Yet anot...
This is a great allusion to mother nature and the toll modern man is putting on the world. I can't help but to notice that you use commas in the last two stanzas but not the first two. Any reason for this? Otherwise, presentation is fine. I can feel the anger of mother nature and the unruly behavior of her 'children' aka humanity. I am glad to see emotion in a poem rather than something dry (like that peanut left under the couch too long? LOL) It is also very attractive to have two rhetorical...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
