I haven't read chapter one, so I am not sure what the plot is or where the story is going. From the material here I can only assume this is written to be a (comedy) romance? Comedy is in brackets because I'm not sure... A lonely guy seeking love is an eternally topical subject. Worth is an average Joe who spends everyday in a boring, no-prospects job day dreaming about meeting 'The One', but in his case 'The One' is anyone who so much as casts a glance his way. The story is doomed to be sad a...

This is a deeply sad story and it reads like it is, but I'm really hoping it is not, biographical. I really struggled to read this at the beginning, actually up to about 60% into the story, but I am so glad I finished, because the ending gives purpose and weight to the whole piece. Emmeline is a normal abnormal girl. She is drawn as being very studious and boring and that is exactly how she comes across, but here is where you, the author, have been very clever, because by the end we realise i...

It is hard to offer comments on the story plot with this piece. Your writing style is good; the descriptive action is well crafted; your characters are living and breathing and very easy for a reader to relate to. We have all met a Diane and she is stereotypical because people like her are stereotypical, so you won't find me complaining about that. The story is listed as Crime, Thrillers & Mystery, so personally, I feel you should get the reader into the plot sooner rather than later as the c...

Well, it would seem to me that she is going to spend her whole life blaming herself for her mother's death. She's also going to become more of a mother rather than sister to the twins and that in itself is going to impact greatly on her life... A very interesting story developing and, as a reader, my heart goes out to the main character and I am wholly, emotionally involved now. My only slight reservation is that she seems so much older than 13 or 14, but life has insisted she grow up very fa...

I wanted to know what happened, and that is all one can ask of a good story. Well done. Your writing style is succinct. I like that. You propel the reader forward with rugged sentences that literally rasp on the character's voice. I could clearly see him eating the King prawns and clearly hear his complaints about life and how if was everyone elses fault. Excellent. I had a very strong sense of the character and liked him even though he's been such an self-pitying loser. 'Why didn't you make ...

Brilliant build up. Ending was disappointing and paragraphs had become jumbled? Eh? You hooked me at the beginning when she states her psuedonym and the explanation for that, as we drool over her every-writer's-dream writing career, is genuinely inspired. And the Coffallo was simply a treasured comic moment! But after pages of brilliance the ending had all the impact of Tammy's IQ. I feel you were a bit lost for ideas of how to finish and rushed. You are a writer of rare talent. Please stretc...

This is an important story that carries an important message. Well done. Your dialogue is effortless and flows so naturally I could hear the boys banter clearly and their deep friendship is obvious. Very well done. You take the reader from scene to scene seamlessly and your gift for telling a story is growing more potent the more I read, but you need to format the text for better clarity. When the focus changes from character to character or when a different character speaks it is a new parag...

At the end there my interest is growing. The beginning is very attractive: the oyster shell beach, intense heat as the father works on his boat anti-fouling the hull. Images and memories I totally related to and I was sucked in from the start. That ended too soon, though. Suddenly we are in a different place in a different time and I became increasingly disorientated. I found myself re-reading a lot of scenes to try and establish how old you were, where we were in your life and you were losin...

Your voice and style is clear and distinct. A sort of deadpan style that I really like and which suits the story perfectly. Your characters are so clearly defined that I could see them playing and bantering together like a memory of when I was a kid making dens. You have successfully painted a picture here that is a genuine experience. Thank you so much. You have certainly added a new colour to my life. You say this is not finished, so I will assume it is the beginning or part of a novel? It ...

I was very puzzled at the beginning, having to re-read a couple of times to really get my bearings. There appears to be two people reading leather-bound books? Couldn't one be reading an electronic devise to make clearer who's who? I'm still unclear there... Sed seems an okay character, but isn't he the enemy? I'm on the side of the Verum because they oppose cloning? Is that right? So for me Veus is the hero, which poses a problem for me the reader, because the narrator, and I assume the inte...