Couple of places where the tense seems to skew for me, pointedly the ending .."drifting" feels like it should all be present instead of present perfect. But I could be wrong. This is painfully adorable. I want to hug you. I'd love a _tiny_ bit more build up to Hucklebuck's offer to die-- why? It's valiant and cute, but I was struck a little wondering why. And I was a little disappointed in Glitterbug not urging him to move. I mean, what a bitch. :) Strong, endearing images. Really good, dood...

Richard Simmons/BCarl. I get the image, and the dream, but it seems kind of abrupt. I wonder if it's necessary? walls of saltwater, every side. Having a tough time with this image-- overboard, sure, but simultaneous? On the rare occasion I have been thrust into large bodies of water, I find the first feeling is the sting of water on the side that hit, then recognition of water everwhere. Maybe I'm picky. Repetition of _through it_ with the shark. Was his parents' bedroom always next to his? I...

So, I looked up a "postcard story", and it essentially a short short story. Ok. So what this means is that in order for this to fit the guidelines, you have to make it a _story_... it isn't yet. You've got some strong images and an interesting hook, but I think you play too much into unnecessary details ("including every boy she ever had a crush on" - stronger w/o this meandering; takes away from how she "knows it's love" with matthew). In the second paragraph, I think the descriptions could ...

First, all caps is a sophomoric way of trying to make a statement more profound. The excessive punctuation is also a sign of this. Instead, I'd consider using correct punctuation and capitalization. Additionally, I'd think about why you chose to make this a question. It doesn't lend itself well, as it isn't worded as a question (_why does the?_ perhaps?). Good luck.

Lots of waring images (S2- dry/leaking, blank/disappointment; S4 people overwhelmed by thoughtless, regretful rage -- this statement is a bit of hyperbole, but so you can see the image) You don't need the comma after _miles_ It's clear, but it doesn't do anything for me emotionally. rapport-free. good luck.

Not your best work. But funny.

snake **;** armored I think. And an interesting thought, P.

This doesn't feel the same. James' mom got knocked up with a three month old baby? I mean, it happens, but jeez. Great image, though, of big sis laughing. Hambone. I don't think you need the commas in the first sentence. Lots of repetition of grandpa/Grandpa James, which I get is necessary. Almost rhythmic switching back and forth, though. One, then the other. I don't have a better idea. Last sentence seems to be an afterthought, and unnecessary. Dunno about the first line of the second parag...

I have a hard time with the schematics of dried blood flaking under the spray of hot water. Blood gets all gummy when it's re-hydrated. I dunno. Didn't work for me. "splinters...bones" niiice You say "working" in reference to masturbating _a lot_ in this piece. I'd think about that as a whole. Paco calls him sir-- jefe? Sir almost sounds comical; patronizing. "Joo want me to cum.." Paco refers to himself in third person except for this line. Joo want Paco to cum? Go team glob. Whoa. Carla wen...

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get to this. The transition between PC and Jilliane's father is a little awkward for me. The logo image doesn't make it clear for me whether it's a small PIP thing or it changed to the special report as Brandon walked up. Flickered to, maybe? Maybe it's not that important. Dialogue between reporter and officer is great. "up here on the top shelf.” The top shelf..." Does Rod(b) need to _say_ it? I like that Rod channels Cheryl a bit when talking to Diane-- ...