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"Make a list," said my job interviewer, who had introduced himself on the phone as Frank McCoy, a partner at one of the world's largest public relations firm. "Name all the types of news stories someone might manufacture to push a client's scandal off the front page." "What type of client?" I asked. "That's not important. Make one up in your mind for this writing test. Suppose it's a Louisiana politician accused of taking bribes." "Someone already indicted?" "No. It doesn't matter. If you pre...
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Republicans and Democrats ensnarled in childish playground spats. They bicker in their box of sand while problems rage throughout our land.
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He tells his patients they must floss, while warning each of pain and loss. I'll restore your happy smile, but you'll have to feel my drill a while.
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I can't think of another place where we would share so small a space. Packed in this jerky subway train -- I hope some boundaries might remain.
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Don't say: Dude, I'm gettin' a Dell. How do they make those lemons sell? They last two years, and then they're done -- Just so you'll buy another one.
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I think you had strong description, interesting characters and a suspensful plot. My eye kept noticing sentence fragments, but I guess that doesn't matter as much from the first person persective you chose. I recommend introducing Derek by name on your first reference to "one of the guys from work." "Kinda sexy, don't you think?" sounds hard to believe. Why not have your character sense that she finds this sexy rather than having her say it. I think the biggest problem with this story was the...
I had to read the story a couple of times to keep track of the characters. I liked your introduction of Milo. I also liked the implication that what happened to Mickey the lego character also might have happened to Jimmy's dad. The connection isn't completely clear, but it's a great twist. I saw a few typos. The description of Milo's wife seemed inconsistent. I don't understand how the set features on her face could only show a bright smile, but the face can change colors with the onset of a ...
Did you intend the typos in your last three sentences? Some things you write probably do come out perfect on the first draft. The secrt to good writing is rewriting. According to novelist David Madden, a writer evolves though four stages. 1. "He makes a mistake, but fails to see it." 2. "He makes a mistake, he sees it, but doesn't know how to fix it -- or reimagine it. He hasn't learned enough about the techniques of fiction." 3. "He makes a mistake, he sees it, he has learned how to fix it,...
As a question, I think the first sentence needs a question mark. The second line rings of the cliche: It's better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. I think a surprise ending at the end might improve this quote. Otherwise, you might improve the quote with specific replacements for "everything" and remove the passive voice.
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