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themadnessicreate's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 16
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 16
I graduated high school in May of 2007 at 17 years old and since then have been on a ‘search’ of sorts to conquer success through my writing. Attempts at a community college floundered, as I discontinued my enrollment, because it wasn’t enough for me; I wanted more than what I was being offered, and still do.
I’m a bit paranoid about sharing my work, but am starving for feedback and honesty.
Items
Version 1
28 Reviews
3 Comments
As the novacaine wears off and the cocaine sets in, I can remember exactly who you are. You are the supplier of the rage that shoots straight into my veins. You are the needle I force into my tearing skin everytime I need a fix. Ultimately, you are my fix. I swallow you whole, you take me half-heartedly, assuming you have any heart at all. Transfixed on the effects of your heroin, I solemnly swear you will forever have a hold on me. I will be your filthy whore as long as you continue to feed ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
There is an unfamiliar face Hidden between my thighs She is crying, mascara spilling She does not know I adore her desolation She is me in another form A new model Improved, but an addict to broken puzzles "What's wrong?" There is not enough of you for me to love I have been searching It is too obscure My heart is a vagrant Searching for new styles of instability She is full of passion Full of me And really I just want her to stay And to speak to me Of all that exists that she cares for All t...
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Reviews
This is a wonderfully written piece. It is simple, to the point, and creates the image very well. I love, "stretched taut his cracking parchment skin, as they painted on his pain," and the description of the man as "content, serene, established." I have no revisions to send to you as advice. It is lovely as is.
The first stanza is common, yet appreciated. It sets the mood for the poem, and where the writer will be taking us. In the second stanza, you do a good job of creating the setting and the tone for the rest of the piece. For some reason, I really like the use of "distracted and misdirected" in the 3rd stanza. I, also, like the way the sentence flows together. Job well done. I feel that "today" can be taken out of the fifth stanza, as it is a bit repetitive of "before." When you say "why have I...
The first four lines confuse me. I can't quite grasp an image of what you're trying to create there, except for the 'casket on wheels.' I think you should try to find another word for the second 'metal' in the fourth line, so it's not as repetitive. I really like the rhythm of the rest of the poem, though. It definitely sets the mood for me. Overall, I think it's well written, and I would like to see it again with a few revisions of the beginning.
This holds a great depth of emotion within it. It's elegant and well-written. The last two lines really leave an impression, but especially the last line. The only part that was weird for me was: "The stigmata of your past few saw or could decipher." I'm not quite sure what it was about that line that seemed uncomfortable for me, but I had to read through that line 3 times before it sat in sense for me. Otherwise, a very impressive piece.
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