Before I start, if this review seems to lacking in the letter "p" I appologise. My "p" is sticking and sometimes doesn't work and I don't always notice it. the scene with the well dressed man and the usher works well. The usher's nerves and the fact that the well dressed man is obviously a quietly intimidating man come across well. Scene changes. This may just be an urbis formatting issue but there is no indication here when the scenes change. You need to put an extra line between your scenes...

Very satisfying. I got a glimmer as the story went on that he would be the rapist and was desperately hoping it would be so. I think if he hadn't been it would have left a very disapointed end to the story. The dialogue is great. Although I didn't mange to read it in a Welsh accent ;) it hit the right note for kids around that age and worked well in my mancunian accent. your imagary and descriptions are dazzling and had me smiling along with you - especialy when he was describing the girl. Th...

A pleasure to read. Overall a tight, entertaining story. The dialogue worked, the ending was great and the story flowed very well. A few points: so near Charlie - "so near that charlie could..." or "so close charlie could..." either of these sound better to my ear. waived - waved. to more easily reach the pen - i think you can delete this. We understand why he unlatched his seatbelt you dont need to labor the point.

This is a very honest and interesting read with a truth and a lesson that we can all learn from however, I found it quite hard going to read. The story bounces around so much at the beginning and seems to contain so much superfluous information about people jobs that I had to re-read certain parts and really concentrate on what you were discussing and what it actualy is that this piece is about. Once we get to the beginning of the fourth page which starts "more likely..." the piece seems to e...

This has piqued my interest and I would continue to read to see where it went. The setting is reasonably well done although I think it would help with visuisation to know how full this great hall was and if it were lit by candles etc. nothing elaborate but just a few words to give us more of an idea about the setting. There are some interesting characters coming through although maybe a few too many if ths is going to be the beginning of the story. It takes a few re-reads to get it straight i...

Excellent. Well told. although i don't think I have reviewed any of the earlier chapters of this I didn't feel lost with the characters or setting, but immediatly comfortable with them. the dialogue was realistic and flowed well and their feelings and thoughts under the preasure of battle and living so close to one another seemed very real and honest. A few things I picked up on whilst reading through: mess kit - this could be an English / American thing, but the thing we eat out of is called...

Excellent. Very witty and entertaining. i wouldn't change any of it.

a well told and well written short story. The dialogue and way in which you portrayed Micheals feelings and thoughts here worked well and made for two very realistic characters. I particularly liked the way in which you captured his reaction and bemusement with the the simplicity of the word “Oh-kay…” The story had just enough information about their past and their relationship to make it as a stand alone piece and as such I enjoyed the ending which is, without needing to add anything else, v...

this is one of the most bizarre, entertaining and delightfuly worded storys I have read in a long time. A real pleasure. The story drags you in from the off. A couple of things on the first page that had me puzzeling and therefore pulled me out of the flow of the story were the mention of his love affair ending over ham sandwhiches and the fact that the band didn't care about his health. Neither seemed to fit into the paragraph they were in very well. I loved the satisfying way in which all b...

a very fun read. the initial opening in the "cafe" is very nicely done. As we read through we start to get a feeling he is not talking about food from a menu but the people that pass by. I like your style, the short sentences work well and fir in with the character. He comes across as rather suave and one can imagine him tucking into these meals with a good wine and apreciating the finer things in life. As we move to the girls on the tube we understand tht his cafe is in fact the tube and the...