thebestyoucan's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Concord, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 11
LOC: Concord, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 11
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Version 1
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I didn't write this, the pencil did erase the trace of mistakes on the page of a disgrace to my place to my magical mage with crystal ball into it to gaze to a writer while weilding woven W's with ways which will weird out a tried doubter with equality of days to twenty nine thousand three sixty three given the mage does stop smoking to expand on his age to add six thousand six sixty six, seventy three subtract that divided by two to trick out a tripped out one and do what I tell you or soon ...
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Version 1
1 Review
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The Girl Who Blushes tu eres mi adicción mi heroína inyección lolle, mi dirección lolle, mi amor tu eres mi bebé así, yo dice mi baby así, yo dice mi lolle así, yo dice mi adicción mi heroína inyección voy en tu dirección; para siempre tu eres mi lolle
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Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
slightly un-normal 80 yeah ooh hooo yeah mm mm mmm ey ey yeah scrumblin fumblin breakin tumblin break your knee and come to me 80 is sexy oooooh yeahayeyeah his name his naame was olive but i called him peach just because he was soo baby so baby sexy yeah I gave my baby roses I rubbed my fingas through his toeses I hope he back befoe he decomposes :( slightly un-healthy I don't know why those things are hanging from the cieling sir; just relax, you're tied your eyes should not fall upon (that...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
hopelessness is so inspiring but so is the way you breathe today I called you an angel and you said you'd do anything for me I still can't believe that you happened and happen to love me as much as I love you and when we die we'll be friends in heaven angel touching your skin is what I desire more than anything in this earth of worth of all that breathes it's your breath I want to hear to inspire me I can see you, and almost feel a lucky boy because I'm real you're my addiction my passion and...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
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spin on freak out toot up and shout ma su ga diggy he he he hay you say you say sup sup sup sup may crocodile dundee can balay hap'm may bu itay li-aray he he he hay tuga tuge sa sa uben uh ba - bay tae may to a play weupay so you suma sah sah in fiey cron. wuwu hahaha you fuhama fill me tripe! lieyu lone lay tripe! tramp! tricky! you sick! kay?! aaaaaaaahhhh hell maray hell may hell may ba - bay soasay aluthay
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many great lines in this poem and a few not so great. "oh golden dawn" and "of her" were the two lines I liked the least. Too many poems try to use the same punchline with a girl in it such as "then I saw her" and the poem changes. It's too predictable that a poem will be about a girl. The imagery is very creative and this is a good poem though. It doesn't rhyme at all which is ok but it would be better I believe with a rhyme or two. This could be a more positive review because it is a good p...
I like the format. It's vague. It would be nicer if it went deeper into some imagery. You have some imagery like "let's not fly again" I like that part the best, but I think you could expand on some imagery and make it less random.
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I like the imagery in the beginning. Walking on the path was the best part of the story to me. Speaking to the goddess "diana" wasn't as interesting to me. Maybe it's just me but I didn't like the idea of the three pebbles or the random teardrop jewel. Good imagery on the feelings but we have to assume pity on the character even though we didn't know anything about it until it was handed 3 pebbles. This story was like a calm roman myth about a random person. There was not much that was specia...
I wouldn't neccessarily say this is a bad poem, but there isn't any complexity to it. I say it's not neccessarily bad because it rhymes well and it has a good rhythm. However, "to make me well, to make me right" sounds very repetitive to me and the rest of the poem sounds like an exaggeration of the emotions of a person who I have no knowledge about through the poem.
I like the unique style of this poem. Personally as always I think rhyme or alliteration, etc. would make it better.I also believe I generally like the words you use. If you look at the words you can see that they have probably been used in a lot of different poems. However I read this as if it had lines (from comma to period, etc) and it also sounded nice that way. But since you have a unique style maybe you could try to use a more unique subject or words.
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