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the_on_switch's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Tampa, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 17
LOC: Tampa, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 17
sometimes i am the sand
thrown over the wedding
of water and land
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
sleeping on a mattress blanketed by road maps and old sheets of music pretending to read them singing street names to imaginary melodies found out that the notes were for a prepared piano so we loosened the strings shooting arrows at the wall caught the house on fire that day
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
the pendulum shifts from the right to the left awaiting timely ticks sometimes could sware when chiming for the hour that it lifts the county bridge putting out my fancy cigarette town clock lets by the ships and we've all stopped now nothing's moving no one comes to think of it but my heart it says to me let the compasses only be clocks to our pockets let all pendulums here be not but old silver lockets when we have crossed the sea, to better serve a loving memory and my heart it says...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
... AND then, again, we'll change the plans-- perhaps can find some common grounds. there's still some time: still some time left, before there comes an end. -- AND you were stuck half holding-on: onto the highest ledge. a fleeting moment-- one last breath. the veins were swollen in your hand.
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
The color red; It drives me insane, you know: As blood sifts through my heart, It's simply lovely how the red shows through Each time our likes depart. How much shall go unknown for you by the time you're in the dark for good? How much will go unknown by us? Shall we have died apart?
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Strange dreams have touched me, in this resting place anew; Now, I can recollect upon reflective dissections of its views. Well-rounded concepts have mapped our worldly ways, A thing that no small-scale globe could possibly do! I still believe in monsters of the black sea. But, you: oh, you know better yet; As you, I'm sure -- you shall have checked the charts of latitudes and longitudes, for errors in my mindless quests. At utmost depths, the ocean floor has the greatest multitude of shell...
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Reviews
So is this one about your as a young man, and your horse? And then, perhaps, the death of your father? I might have missed something if I'm wrong. I think that the delivery is beautiful, but I feel also as though a couple of very straightforward lines may be missing. I just want to know exactly what's going on when I get 1/3 of the way through this one, and then at 2/3 of the way as well. It's a new favorite.
Lol. Shortage of raw materials. Corn being an ironic one. My only problem is that corn cobs clearly have no helpful attributes, as far as their own sustenance is concerned. Is that ever addressed clearly? This seems like an entry from The Onion. I like it, but I wonder what its impact could be with the regular populous. Note: The regular populous likely doesn't matter. In conclusion: awesome read. But I wouldn't call it "best".
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Hi. I liked this one a great deal better than the first(?) version I reviewed. I still feel like a climax is avoided. You've left out some of whatever I'd originally read of the drabble-- of climax. I personally feel you ought go back to the original and work a completely different version out of it. One that involves more with the climatic aspects of the female encounter, but not disregarding your departure. Is there no way to include both in less words? And perhaps to even incorporate a von...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I liked this one a lot! The curve ball at the end hit it best. I'm not a drabbler, but I am a huge fan. I think your use of conversation is adequate. Through your usage, the story tells itself well.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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