The body, that Dimitri was trapped deep inside of, ran - don't need commas here and hurried down the marble stairs and - are two "and" necessary? It's something I try to notice when I write, multiple uses of the same word, or unnecessary repetitions burned bodies and bodies waiting to be burned - maybe you could say "charred bodies" to mix it up a little “We have lost our privilege - Have doesn't seem to belong in this sentence You're very good at dialogue, description needs some work. A thes...

I really like the imagery of this piece. It feels like you're letting us step into a memory. You have conveyed not only an emotion, but the atmosphere of a place. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it's like watching a movie that you can relate to in a way that feels like home.

I really like this line - Randy Reins was the spitting image of nobody As a result of indifference - Maybe say "of this indifference" seven, Rumors - Period instead of comma To make things as worst as they could be - This doesn't make sense, maybe "the worst that they could be?" All in all there are only a few minor things you might want to correct. I like your writing style, and you have some great sentences. I like the line about the tv being a poor babysitter as well as the one I cited abo...