My old meow is a birthday girl today Fourteen years and counting. She came to me as a holiday gift And has shown she loves me often. the cadence here is nice, you begin to want to read it out loud, even though it doesn't particlarly rhyme (i know it's a bit blase, but I think you could try to make this poem rhyme, it would take it out of a personal context and make it more accessable and enjoyable to everyone.. i know you wrote this for you). unfortuneately you lose your rhythm in the later s...


I will join you
 
wrestled to the ground
 what's all this then? is it a font mishap or am i msissing something with your use of the question marks, perhaps it is an inflectional thing, or an uncertainty thing... inflectionally that would be a little bit irritating, because one tends tends to read it in one's head like every line is a question. i thought at first that this was going to be a love poem, but then was delighted when we discover it's about an old man. i guess you could say it's th...

will do my friend. having been on the receiving end of something like this, i emplore you, do not ever let the audience you intended this for EVER read this. you will lose any and all respect he/she might have for you. i've got to say, nothing stands out from this poem, there is no original technique, no rhyme or meter, no original vocabulary. it seems very whiny and bland. i know you are speaking from your heart, and i'm trying not to denegrate that, because it is you, but i may be slightly ...

This is fantastic! such tragic saddening subject matter, but couched in such beautiful imagery and language, with such easy story-telling rhythm, it seems almost to transcend sadness like a beautiful oil painting of a tear on the cheek of a dying body.... and sipped Bordeaux from a goblet if she's drinking bordeaux then she's not worth your time anyway mate. :) and a stream of slow glass what a wonderful image for a river,. so evocative, i can see it and hear it. desiring a world of lions lik...

A crusade mislaid, beautiful rhyme there Living in the satisfaction of abstraction. this is a good supporting pair it, it really encapsulates the previous stanza's message. perhaps it is enough? perhaps the next stanza is not really so necessary? you have established the "world" character alrady by alluding to "we" in the first... it's nice little stanza but it seems to me to be a little out of place. "stringed to stories" is nice, neat. Nothings familiar- missing some punctuation there How p...

so this would make a great song, your repetition is good for a chorus.... i can't say i really found too much else to like about this. it seems fairly basic technically and a little bit self-indulgent. but hell, i can see your expression in this and from a human perspective i say we can all relate. your rhythm fails in some parts- The smell of alcohol and cheap perfume I’m sure I’ll get used too But now I’m not seeing all that well, my left cheek feels puffy too also, cheap perfume and alcoho...

i fucking love prose that rhymes. good for you. love your alliterative style. A righteous crew from Chicago blew in, bringing their swag of bags and tablets of sin. this is great. love the biblical references. it really works. especially since you were talking about aliens in the previous bit. christians sometimes seem like aliens to me too. in fact the more i think about it, the more it makes sense to me. ordering drinks for all folks near and far. I got one too! I love your delight here. ad...

eeeeeng.. sorry mate, i found i couldn't really connect with this poem so much. i couldn't really understand what you were trying to say. is this about that movie, which i have never seen, about those two old people who fall in love? there is no turn of phrase or original technical skill that would make this poem stand out. you group the words in a way very familiar to us all, there is nothing new here. radiating as a supernova- this image seemed a little out of place, you set the scene to be...

the donuts and the starving work well as a linking image. with haiku it's imperative to include as much meaning as possible into such a small area, and i think you have done this well. simple, technically correct and nice subject matter. this poem is evocative without going over the top. it would be interesting to see what image this conjures in the various readers. well done.