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tearmeapart's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 11
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 11
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Items
Version 2
2 Reviews
0 Comments
It would seem I've reached an impasse in heart and in mind The apathy that I once embodied now roams unleashed A black hole on the horizon gazing at untamed stars Wild, brazen, set free from fragile bonds of misery A cancer gnawing away at dreams of escaping the norm An idea so idyllic it seeks neither voice nor form It splits, a phoenix risen from the flames of thought Ashes cast out to sea in loves release Love is dead, like roses left to wither in days embrace Like the hope I cradled in my...
Version 3
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Broken like winters icey grip is ended by the stirring sun She lies there as echoes of loves memory blind her The heart makes a fool of most at one point or another A child in the womb, her only bedmate tears of sorrow, A lament for one who craves yet does not deserve, A raven feeding on carrion , a disease poisoning her veins. Fragile, a snowflake cast upon warm hands bereft of mercy Crumbling she puts on last nights clothes, thinking only of him He 'loves' her, what kind of kindness, what s...
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Unbridled joy hides behind eyes that dare not dream it These prison walls grind down like ash from burnt out flames Harsh words cut like lightning severes through nights slumber Scared for the first time in my life, scared for reasons untold Still born, discarded like the sky spits out unwanted hail Never to hope, never to despair, never to fail or even try You robbed me of my one chance like waking steals dreams Never knew me, never even tried, no love in the world You discarded me and never...
Version 2
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Live out a sketch of a near unspoken story, be pillored for pitying glory Kill romance again wallow in sorrow, pray for another shattered tomorrow Divine rights of a knowing sin, this life I live in and out of it's wearing thin I cut myself to try and feel, this shallow prayer a shadow of something real My world torn asunder, tears in the rain a bedmate of awe and wonder An addict of dark and light, a petulant child who knows not wrong or right Glass house devoid of joy or soul, never been my...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Darkness, mis-shapes, brazen and flailing Bodys entwined, long past caring Grey and vacous yet crimson inside A souless corner where mischevious children hide Need to kill the poet when there's no song to sing Lost in this nothing that feels like something A facet untouched or is it tainted forever Damn this fool for being so clever Awake and resentment bleeds frm the walls The heart knows not of rising only of falls Churlish to envy what I do not know If only she would leave, if only I could...
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Reviews
This is pretty outstanding work.the imagery fresh and enticing and the language perfectly fits the subject matter, it may sound strange but you manage to show a certain kind of warmth through the tragedy of it all. A really classy piece.
Work out a structure i.e verse, pre-chorus, chorus, verse and you could have something there.you're right that it does feel more like lyrics and for me lyrics worth working on....I love the line 'strip grace to mirror shame', probably the best line I've read on here in a long time.
The rhyme scheme seems a bit obvious to me and if this is lyrics lord knows what kind of song structure you're looking at, I certainly think you have something to say...I'm just not entirely sure you know what.
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