tasthesose's profile

You have a good sense of what you are going for, however you could probably benefit from using more imagery. That is what everyone is going to tell you, I know, but its true for this poem especially. Show us the torture, make us feel why the losers are better off than the still living victors. Take this to the next level and make it more story and less static description.

I am not sure about this poem. Since I am unfamiliar with the work being alluded to in stanza 2 I dont think I can rate that at all. I dont think that you should have the numbers in there, unless you put them in on purpose I would say take them out. Also I would probably take out the word deliquesce, just my opinion of course. What I liked about it: the sexual imagery works, it is tentative and dark, as the title would suggest. Good job on this poem.

Good nature poem. This poem has some sound imagery in it. The fact that it snows in early summer also helps to take this poem out of the generic or typical northern hemisphere summer poem. It makes the reader think that your poem takes place in the far north, or in a mountainous region. You have 2 stanzas in a row where you show us what is around you, instead of just telling us. Then in the last stanza you tell us spiders' silk. This could be another chance for you to use imagery to show us t...

OK, so you have successfully used the abba abba cde cde rhyme scheme. But you have a few little things that I think you should look at: I think spring should have "sounds" instead of sound. I think that the word "resign" might be better as "reside" And the double use of the word wrong in the last stanza is distracting, other than that I am very impressed. I have never tried to use any of the traditional (and difficult) rhyme schemes, but I might just try it now. Thanks for the poetry, keep wr...

Yes, exactly. I dislike it when people want you to make absolute decisions without giving you absolute knowledge. Violence is never the answer? Well what if your wife is going to be raped and all you have to do to stop it is punch the guy once to make him run off? How is refraining from one small act of violence going to make you feel better knowing that your self satisfaction has cost your loved one her security?