tarlia's profile
AGE:
32
LOC: Malaysia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 18
LOC: Malaysia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 18
Hello. It’s been a while since I logged in.
I realised that I spent too much time here in the first week I joined, getting caught in the Urbis comment cycle and not working on any actual writing. Not spending too much time here certainly did help – I have one story (set in the same world as Food & Spirits) coming out in an anthology in July.
I’m not sure what I’ll be doing with this site at this time.
Cheers.
Reviews
In your first paragraph alone, you introduced three words that most of us are not familiar with. Footnotes are good, but I find it annoying that I had to scroll down so many times within one para. Try to incorporate the meaning of the words into your narrative. Every time I go off to check, I lose the thread and have to start over. There's nothing marking your transitions between scenes (e.g. Semaluluk is a baby one moment and talking in the next paragraph). This should be more clear or your ...
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LOL! "re-asses" on paragraph 5. Hilarious typo. It's an interesting piece and I enjoyed it. I won't know what to say if people start questioning why there's a pie in the sky or what happens if you don't like pie. Good reminder for us to keep plodding on.
On the Disney World and Epcot Center line: Might want to break it into two sentences because it's a rather confusing line right now. Last line: my = by. I'm amused by your opening.
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