swirlygirly's profile

swirlygirly avatar
AGE: 21
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 23

I’m studying French and Spanish at Sheffield uni (UK) and have been writing since I was about 6 (yes, my mum does still have some very early work!!) and haven’t stopped since. Language is my passion and I am continually surprised by the power of the imagination!

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Items
Non-fiction / Why I love it
Version 2
6 Reviews   0 Comments
Go anywhere, be anyone, with imagination.
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Opportunities
Short Story / Sonata
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
First Movement: May 1800 The girl let out a soft sigh as she raised her hands and delicately placed her fingers on the ivory keys. A brusque nod from her tutor, and she began to play the piece in front of her. He paced up and down behind her, watching her hands intently, listening with a fierce concentration. “Stop.” The playing ceased mid-phrase and Giulietta turned her head anxiously. “It is too disjointed. You are seeing the notes individually. You must blend them. It must be smooth.” He s...
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Short Story / Little Angel
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
I went to Daddy’s office today. I’ve been a few times before, and I remembered some of the people. There was Julie and Mandy. I like them cos they gave me a lollipop last time I was there. And Mark. But I don’t like him cos I heard him shouting at Daddy. It’s not nice when people shout at you so Mark isn’t my friend. It’s funny. Everything in Daddy’s office seems just the same, but Daddy has changed a lot. He doesn’t talk to people much anymore and Mark was really nice to him today and Mark i...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Past those trees is a house Whitewashed with blue window frames There’s a woman sweeping the porch And her children are playing games. Over that sea is a country Where the men must go and fight There’s a woman waving off her husband As the dusk sweeps into night. Behind those clouds are bombers Coming to destroy the land There’s a woman clutching her children Who hold tightly to her hand. In that dock is a ship With men returning from war There’s a woman silently waiting But her husband is no...
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Novel Treatments / With a Little Help from Angels
Version 1
8 Reviews   1 Comment
September 2001. New York. The planes had been grounded for three days straight. Practically no flights went into or out of New York in the aftermath of the September 11th attacks. In the midst of the reeling grief and horror, a brilliant young meteorologist sat at his computer, carefully studying the data he had collected. Jack Sparks was astounded. He pushed his glasses further up his nose and stared harder at the computer screen. The results were incredible – and very worrying. In the three...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Poetry / Rose
Locked
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / The longest 12 hours of my life
There are some good things in here but I found it hard to read because of a lack of punctuation and grammatical inconsistencies, like when you slip into the present tense ("I call my friend Jennifer...") there doesn't seem to be any need for it when the rest is in the past tense. If you're going for a stream-of-consciousness approach, that's fine and it can work really well. There were moments here that did achieve that. However, you still need to work on it, even if you want it to come acros...
I thought this was a lovely little story. I liked the contrast of emotions and situations that Christmas can often bring up - it must be the worst time to be alone and you captured this well. However, I think this kind of thing is very difficult to get just right, the theme of loneliness at Christmas can be an overused one and the image of someone about to jump in front of a train is also a familiar one. That said, I think you handled the subject sensitively and evocatively. Well done!
Non-fiction / 6 word memoir
Very sweet, even if the 'live, laugh, love' is a bit cliched. As for writing truths, ok for non-fiction writers (at least, we hope so!) but what about fiction writers? On the other hand, I admit I was stuck finding an alternative, unless it went over six words, so on balance, a pretty good effort, and a nice sentiment!
Short Story / Small Wonder
I liked the characterisation of this piece, but I felt a bit lost at some points. I suppose it didn't really feel like a 'story' to me. There was no real tension, and the bit at the end about school, I didn't understand how that related to the rest of it, apart from it being 'small'. I think you have some good characters here, but it needs quite a bit of work to make it a good story, although obviously that is just my opinion and others may think differently.
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