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sweetcreativity's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 12
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 12
Hello!
I’m an aspiring sci-fi/high fantasy author creating world upon world in my head on a near constant basis.
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Version 1
2 Reviews
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Writers block: my gateway to inspiration.
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Version 1
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What is life without some imagination?
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Version 2
7 Reviews
4 Comments
The once proud Tzarian city of Kolett lay devastated in fire in the wake of warring Gods. It had once been filled with laughing children and their pets and toys, bustling marketplaces bursting with music and some of the most prosperous people of Caelar. Tall and wildly wiry trees had dotted the city streets and filled the air with a sweet and sensuous smell; now only ash and death remained. Burning remnants of rounded, doorless abodes crackled and crumbled from the heat; the brick-laid stree...
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Version 1
6 Reviews
7 Comments
The once proud Tzarian city of Kolett lay desecrated in fire in the wake of warring Gods. It had once been filled with laughing children and their pets and toys, bustling marketplaces bursting with music and some of the most prosperous people of Caelar. Tall and wildly wiry trees had dotted the city streets and filled the air with a sweet and sensuous smell; only ash and death remained. Burning remnants of rounded, doorless abodes crackled and crumbled from the heat, the brick-laid streets w...
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"someday our fate will meet us in the desperation of our end" -- Very crisp word choice. I think your imagery is wonderful in this piece. I note you stated there's no re-write on this one but I suggest considering a bit of punctuation modification as I thin it would make this piece the liiiittle bit better (it's already wonderful). Something like: "No this is not the end; The end of which we shake in constant fear. Abide we do in this trembling atmosphere, awaiting the emergency call of the m...
"We’ve been here – we that know we live here – the down below" -- Powerful, well done. "Tomorrow’s Freedom – Today’s Price. this comes from the ones that know we run this – the down below." -- Again, wonderful word choice here. I'm curious as to what music this will be put to. No matter, this is a wonderful and powerful piece. The word choice, imagery, repetition and break up are simply perfect. Keep up the good work! Melissa
"The breath that’s tore" -- try torn, better flow "So Lucky to" -- lucky, no capital. Unfortunately, although I can say I feel the emotion and bitterness thrown into this, I believe it doesn't contain enough imagery for the average poem reader. Many readers of poetry want the five senses of why and how concerning the emotions and plenty of people won't feel the emotion without a visual reference they can pinpoint from their lives. I think there's a lot of potential within these words and that...
"just done done it" -- accident? Should there be only one done? "but what’s all this to do with the genesis of fireflies? it’s simple: she laughs, and they exist." Perfect line. I have to be honest, this piece struggled to keep my attention. I find some word choice abstract such as using 'ain't' in a piece like this. Sometimes it seems narrative, other times it seems as though its third person. The ellipses, surprisingly, never bothered me here though. I think it worked here and here alone. I...
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