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svoltin's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 15
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 15
I am a college Freshman at the University of Arizona in Tucson. Most of the work on this profile is my early work from high school, but I come back from time to time to look back. The prose work is current, and hopefully there is a difference in the level of capability.
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Version 1
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The gravel crunched under my bare feet as I made my way across the yard behind the house. I lay along the length of a bench and stared up at the stars. My mother sat upon the seat next to mine. A moment of calm ensued as we marveled, our heads reclined, our eyes grazing the surface of the heavens. I found myself picking up on the world’s most discreet of sounds in the late night’s silence. The water of the canal that ran behind the house lapped softly against the deck’s moss covered supports...
Version 1
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When the sun shines, I laugh and dance, I live as I do. But as the night descends, Like a shield drawn away, My mind and soul reflects The cruel torments of a lonely world. In years to come, I could love. I could cherish that person, who makes me whole. Just like all those movies, With glistening white teeth and windswept hair. But that warm shore will never be met By my cold, dark, waters. For I am the crushing depths of the sea, Where the creatures you fear to gaze upon roam. I am the paral...
Version 1
2 Reviews
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Most hunters attack the weak, But this is not the case. The Beast does not target the meek, But the strong ones it does chase. It lures them near with words of ease And delivers the poison in stealth. It doesn't seem a strong disease, But slowly drains their health. Frozen stiff, it's prey there lies. The Beast upon it's throne. Severs all the friendly ties, And leaves the prey alone. And at the end the prey believes The Beast to be a friend, But of it's life, the Beast relieves It's prey, ju...
Version 1
2 Reviews
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My heart aches, It pounds my chest Whenever you stray near. It almost breaks. I cannot rest When your voice I hear. But when you leave, give me reprieve My heart dulls and rumbles low. My body needs, these painful seeds Inside me which you sow. So when you're gone and I'm alone. My heart has played it's part. I write and write, with all my might, So my hand aches with my heart.
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
In the morn' when sunlight breaks Over roofs with metal grates, Through my window iron-barred, And has my dream-drawn picture marred. Intrusive with it's blinding light And through my eyelids shut so tight, It shoves the darkness from it's way, To bring about the hearken day, To rouse the dreamers from their sleep, To bring the light to dark and deep. But here, enveloped in the sheets Over which the sunlight creeps, I wrestle with my daily task, To rise and wear my daily mask. Every day I wea...
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Reviews
This quote isn't complete. We understand what you are saying, and implying, but we don't know "you" or "I" so all we have to base our assumptions off of are cliche's. And whenever your characters are inherently cliche, your piece will be bland and boring. Break some new ground for me.
I like it, but is the second person saying that the first person is holding him/her back, or the other way around, because the quotes imply self-blame on the part of the second person (you). Otherwise, I like the image of the "bridge of friends" to help the speaker get away from the second party.
I'd like to see more of the "winner's" emotion, but it's overall a good peice. Also, the title, "Russian Roulette with a Pistol", is redundant. Russian Roulette by definition, is with a pistol. Good work.
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