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suker4scenery's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Venetia, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 04
LOC: Venetia, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 04
I don’t pretend to be an expert although sometimes by my long reviews it might seem like it. I’ve only had one Creative Writing class in college, but I idolize my professor; he really helped me see what contemporary critics and publishers want and always has approached my work in a way that makes me determined to work on it and make it better without discouraging me from it completely. It’s what I try to do with all of my reviews here. I feel like I should share the knowledge he shared with me.
I’m graduating college this year with a B.A. in English (what can you do with a B.A. in English right? haha) and some day I do hope to have my work published. I also hope to further my writing career by continuing education with it, but …
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Version 3
7 Reviews
0 Comments
The pencil strokes were delicately placed on the cream-colored sketch book page The graphite lines transforming a surface into a multi-dimensional woman. Hair strands were drawn around the jaw chin and neck, smoothing the texture around proportioned eyes. A finger smudge of oil disrupted the perfection found in the open mouth. Nothing else shared the space on top of our cherrywood dresser. So deliberately was the rough edged paper placed in the center that I thought it was for me but it was a...
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Version 2
2 Reviews
0 Comments
The pencil strokes were delicately placed on the cream-colored sketch book page to yield a look of determination, and of lust on the face of a young woman. Strands of hair were drawn around the jaw chin and neck, smoothing the texture around proportioned eyes. Nothing else shared the space on top of our cherrywood dresser. So deliberately was the rough edged paper placed in the center that I thought it was for me but it was addressed to another, a woman with a Ph.D.
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Version 1
1 Review
2 Comments
The pencil strokes were delicately placed on the cream-colored sketch book page to yield a look of determination and of lust on the face of a young woman. Strands of hair were drawn around the jaw chin and neck, smoothing the texture around the proportioned eyes. Nothing else shared the apace on top of our cherrywood dresser. So deliberately was the rough edged paper placed in the center that I thought it was for me but it was addressed to another, a woman with a Ph.D.
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The first criteria "Publishable-overall" was difficult for me to answer because I see this as more of an oral perfomance. The flow of the language and the intensity with which I can imagine someone speaking it means that I could see this winning a poetry slam easily, but not necessarily with a well-known literary magazine. Usually I find that people do not use enough images in their work, but you've definately got that, well done. I would be careful of titling a piece of work with something t...
I must tell you that I am not familiar with World of Warcraft, so some of the meaning of this poem has been lost to me. But it's important in contemporary writing that concrete images are used. I like the direction of this piece and the sense of worth and inspiration that is gained especially by the last lines. I like the first line of the poem a lot despite the fact that it is a little bit abstract. Work on describing things more and giving it more dimensions and layers and you've got it.
You have some really great images, but I get caught up in the sing-songy sound of the poem. Try playing with line breaks and not making every line break a finished thought.
I like the awknowledgement of it being difficult to write a Valentine's poem, but really, any poem, without being cliché or trite. The beginning and the end of the poem seem really powerful even though the last stanza does not have as much imagery as it probably could to make it better. Something happens around the middle that loses me somewhere and I'm not really sure where or what it is. But I do like "Burying meaning in chocolate graves" as a line and don't want you to change it no matter ...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
wow, I really like this poem. I can really only think of one suggestion and that is to use more concrete imagery. Maybe like, what kinds of seeds? (speaking of the ending I love it P.S.) Or how/where do you wake? Something about strip pool or slave time? I don't want to take away anything from the poem, I realize it's supposed to be simple but it's concrete images, colors, and sounds that audiences cling to and fall in love with. Despite saying that I still think this poem is amazing. I'm not...
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