"& so forth $ so on!!!" - one small error - & instead of $ blood for oil... so sad, but it seems so true... nice job... the right amount of anger, sadness and perhaps even disbelief you've made your message very clear well done

you have some grammer problems and need to proofread this carefully - "I seen some faces that I recognized" is an example - should be "seen" you have a good beginning here - the "swine" thing was kind of funny - but a little predicatable i didn't like the candle analogy - i think it needs more work... overall a pretty good effort - keep writing!

you did a good job of portraying sadness... good descriptive words - and you described well feelings that we've all felt... nice job - i liked this...

"in the land where Stonehedge was" - landed at Stonehenge (not hedge) - would do the job i like the idea of comparing various aspects of earth to music/art/etc you really need to proofread this - lots of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes great ideas in this piece - one small thing - all the terms you use to describe and compare are terms originated on earth. are these people earthlings? it'a unclear to me. if they aren't, wouldn't they have their own terms to describe things? just a th...

"This guys a hack" - this guy's - the next sentence should be joined with this one with a comma "No that is just" - comma after "no" needs a question mark after last sentence in first paragraph i'll stop correcting your grammer - takes up too many points - you really need to proof this though. there are LOTS of errors in here. you have some funny standup stuff in here the guy getting killed at the beginning has piqued my interest - good job "“Yes he did and it’s much worse; I am afraid” - use...

"I here words"-hear "I here words of wisdom, tears of fear."-how do you hear tears of fear? maybe "see" or "feel" or "sense"- you need some kind of verb here "can peak it’s head" - peek its head i like the feel of this poem. it seems like you're talking about yourself - are you? nice rhythm to this

"plosive rattle" - explosive? warning - i'm no poet, but i really like this. you've created a mood with your words - painted a landscape that feels real the second last stanza is wonderful - the game is lost by those alive - great line your imagery is good - this poem feels real to me

i would make the first sentence into two - it would make more sense. "I hate you. You're my obsession." "Is gone you have been overthrown." - do you mean "It's gone"? Again - this should be two sentences I think. Try it - see what you think. "So you Hitler are gone" - So you, Hitler are gone good poem overall - reminds me of when i quit smoking!

Nice beginning - you have my attention... you haven't convinced me why the son would want to be like the man in the boat just seconds after seeing him. what about him was so impressive that he wanted to be like him even more than like his own father? "joined an militia"- not "an" perhaps "the"? "He didn’t this his answer would be..." - didn't "think"? "Will you take him them" - then i'll stop picking these errors (to save you points) you need to proofread this carefully as there are a number ...

"just a young lonely girl, hated by herself." - not sure what this line means - she hated herself? she was alone and hated? i like this - although i am curious as to whom she fought strings turning into a noose - nice line nice rhythym to this well done