stickvaughn's profile
AGE:
32
LOC: Peoria, AZ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 16
LOC: Peoria, AZ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 16
I’m a graphic designer from Peoria, Arizona and life long short story fan. Occasionally I’ll crank one out myself and pester my wife for feedback. I enjoy learning how other people write, teasing my kids, and pretending I know how to play the guitar.
Items
Version 2
8 Reviews
15 Comments
Not shocked. I would say they were aghast if that didn't make my friends sound like Jane Austen characters. Whatever the term, Arlun and Cartya tried to laugh at me when I told them that I would be leaving for a traditional three-year religious mission to the Klethi home world. When I didn't smile back at them, Cartya bounced an ice cube off my chest, left her lunch, and headed out the glass door to the sun deck. Arlun squeaked his straw up and down in his milkshake. I was just as surprised t...
Version 1
3 Reviews
16 Comments
Not 'shocked'. I would say they were 'aghast' if it didn't make my friends sound like Jane Austen characters. Whatever the term, Arlun and Cartya tried to laugh at me when I told them that I would be leaving for a traditional three-year religious mission to the Klethi home world. When I didn't smile back at them, Cartya bounced an ice cube off my chest, left her lunch, and headed out the glass door to the sun deck. Arlun squeaked his straw up and down in his milkshake. I was just as surprised...
Version 1
8 Reviews
14 Comments
Sam’s hand tore open on the shovel handle. “Dammit.” His palms, unused to the rub of a shovel, broke into blisters even beneath his gloves. He squeezed his fist, and waited for the sting to peak before fading. From the corner of his eye, he saw his neighbor, Carl, whose yard he was in, wave cheerfully and finally leave for work. “Hey, thanks again, Sam. My cell’s on if you need anything.” Sam nodded, and cracked a smile. Eight o’clock. Good. Some peac...
Version 1
7 Reviews
17 Comments
I have three days to find a man. And he doesn’t want to be found. Not surprising. I don’t want to find him, either. But it’s my job. I find people. Good people, bad people. Some who should never be found. I find those, too. I’m the best at my job. How do I find them, you wonder? Like nobody else does, I answer. When I tell people, they avoid me for the rest of the dinner party. But I’ll tell you. I don’t know you, and I don’t care if you think I&rs...
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Reviews
As an experiment, it's fascinating. The duel-viewpoint is fun and not annoying. I appreciated how, once the gimmick was established, the switches become quicker and gradually less defined, until the reader is absorbed in the "spot the viewpoint" game, and everything blurs together at the end. "her back was starting to tan … window." -- seems strangely chameleon like. Used condoms in the toilet image is nasty. I did wonder what happened to the smelly guy. Did he just make a face and walk away?
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
What a pleasure to read a story on Urbis where I can get into the mood and atmosphere, and not have to worry about sentence structure in every line. Your sensory details are EXCEPTIONAL, and my favorite part of the story. In fact (and you may not like this) I like the rain drops on door latches, and the robotic fake fire light more than I cared about the relationship. Here are my thoughts in the order I had them on my read through: -------------------- "The rain wouldn’t stop." -- Nice. Would...
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