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stevaldo's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 22
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 22
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Version 3
2 Reviews
0 Comments
God’s Weapon: The blood dripped between my latex gloved fingers like sticky, sweet nectar as the knife slid effortlessly above the floating rib into the lung, collapsing it. The horrific pain of trauma forced his body into a silent death. He never even knew of my existence until his demise. Generally, I don’t go for the knife as it often ends up messy, but today was different, the request was specific. As the last of his life coursed from his body I looked in the long bedroom mirror, my knif...
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Version 2
4 Reviews
0 Comments
God’s Weapon: The blood dripped between my fingers like sticky, sweet nectar as the knife slid effortlessly above the floating rib into the lung causing a silent death. He never even knew of my existence until his demise. Generally, I don’t go for the knife as it often ends up messy, but today was different, the request was specific. As the last of his life coursed from his body I looked in the long bedroom mirror, my knife glinting crimson in the moonlight as the body slumped limply to my f...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
The blood dripped between my fingers like sticky, sweet nectar as the knife slid effortlessly above the floating rib into the lung causing a silent death. He never even knew of my existence until his demise. Generally, I don’t go for the knife as it often ends up messy, but today was different, the request was specific. As the last of his life coursed from his body I looked in the long bedroom mirror, my knife glinting crimson in the moonlight as the body slumped limply to my feet. What was ...
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Reviews
Why did she leave in the first place? What had happened? These are things i need to know... The piece hooked my from line 1. I'm new to giving reviews but your work leaves me wanting to know more about the characters and the history behind them. I'm interested where you are going to take this work. Your wrting style makes your work easy to follow and the flow kept me interested through out - I already dislike his mother for some reason?? I hope to read more of this work.
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The whole piece flows really well and i found reading very easy and entertaining. The characters have developed well but leave enough for the imagination of the reader. I look forward to reading more of your work
The stroy was a little difficult to follow in places - take time to read through as some of the grammar needs looking at. The piece as a whole makes for an interesting idea although the idea will be difficult to translate into words. I think with a little patience and some time you will have a very potent piece on your hands.
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The flow of the piece is good and made for easy reading. As this is chapter 11 i guess you've already developed the characters earlier in the work - although a little description in the tone of voice and how they are communicating with each other would add much to the piece as it would allow the reader to understand the emotions of the characters a little better. All in all a strong piece - is the rest of the book on here or do you have it avaliable anywhere to have a complete read through?
At the time i read this (1:00am) i was fairly tired - however you woke me up. I was surprised as to how much i liked this work as its not the kind of thing I'm into. I'd advise you on seperating the "speech" out of the text as it makes reading easier - the easier something is to read the more of it people read. All in all a good start.
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