I like the musicality of this piece, though I find it a little too repetitive. The metaphor of the bottle is very smart and effective. I suggest: "you gotta get it empty before"; "maybe you can fill it a bit more"... sounds better to me. Nice job!

I like the idea of sound: "Ringing", "Ears", "Recorded", but I detect something wrong in it. I mean,reading your words, I had the impression of something disturbing in your ears, (a ring is insistent and disturbing),something tormenting you that much that you had to write them down. The repetitive sound of the letter "R" is harsh and underlines this idea too. I don't know, if you meant this, it's a good job, but my idea of writing is more like words whispered or sung to my ears, something swe...

That's very funny! I don't totally agree, but it makes a lot of sense and it's brilliant. The only thing I can say is that the word "now" doesn't go with a memoir, so maybe I would find the way to improve that. All the rest is ok!

I find the plot quite good, even if not so original. When Andrew first sees the portrait, he is stunned by this sight, but you don't explain why. You simply say it's the portrait of a young blond woman, dressed in white, with a pink ribbon aroud her neck, which is nothing strange to the readers, who remain confused for a long time, until you finally explain this woman is not Anelise, nor Andrew's sick girl, nor Truman's girl. At this point, we understand we don't have to expect something spec...

I have the feeling that nothing has really happened for 17 pages. I think you could make Jimmy's pain more real by describing something more intimate about the relationship between his mother and him. Memories of special moments they had together, how she looked like in his eyes (sweet, beautiful, a partucular detail of her appearance or bahavior). I mean, this woman is like a ghost, because you never spend a word about her. We don't have a clue about what this guy is going through, because w...

The poem is original and very interesting. I think the title should sum up the content of the poem, not give information that are not in the poem later, because this turns the title into a verse. So, I would make the title much shorter and add a verse or two to make us understand Philippe and his father are on the Calypso for their mission and that this is a mid-life crisis. I don't think this is clear enough in the poem. Besides, I suggest to drop most of punctuation, which is excessive and ...

This piece is very touching. I love the intimacy between this desperate person and his/her soul. The sense of guilt is always present and underlined by the isolated words "I", "and" repeated several times. It's a goodbye prayer, simple, clear, direct and true. I don't have much to say to improve it, except maybe to drop some "that", to make it more fluent and maybe in the last verse you meant "they're" instead of "their". That's all for me, good job.

Well, this is quite challenging, especially because you don't reveil the mystery of the title. What does M.I.A. stand for? I have the feeling this is for an animal, probabely a cat ("soft" "bean-filled feet with no toes") who likes top shelves and hiding behind the refrigerator. The best thing in every poem is that no matter what the poet really wrote about, his power is to create emotions and you did, so quite good job, even though maybe some more detail would be appreciated, and correct the...

Wonderful piece! So original and deep and sad and full of emotions! You built the whole poem on the contrast between life ("garden"; "seed" "flowers") and death ("iron"; "Golgotha"; "bloody"; "yellow ribbons"; "zippered seals") and you create pure art! The only thing I can suggest, but it's just personal taste, is to drop the punctuation at the end of each stanza! Kudos!