I like the word Degenerate better than Degenerated. Both adjective so it may just be a personal preference. Other than that, the only thing I can think of is to try using some punctuation. It gives you more power of how you want the reader to take this - where you want the pauses, which parts get more emphasis, etc. Also, first stanza: "the truth is discern" isn't quite a sentence. Did you mean "the truth is to discern?" Overall - good poem. Good, real life subject matter.

Normally, I'm a stickler about capitalization, but....well, I like how you used it to your advantage here with Hell and King of the Dead. Actually, a lot of things about this defy all of the things I would normally say: you took an overused tragedy/love and gave it new light. Good word choice - I really enjoyed this. The only thing I might say is to make sure the lines can stand alone and not be pieces of separate thoughts: for example "she found at the place where obsidian met granite the se...

*whew* you know I just read a poem 3 times this long about war from the perspective of a soldier and you said twice is much here in 5 lines. I really like the last line "waiting for the end to begin" - clever in this context. The weakest line probably the second in my opinion. The whole black and white comparison is just a little overused. We've used it to compare opposites a thousand times in different contexts. So reading that line, in my mind, I draw ideas from other places that aren't rea...

The idea behind this is gold for poetry - although I hope it's not true. Nevertheless, from a literary standpoint, this needs a little tightening. The first and most obvious thing I would say is figure out your sentences and where they start and end: clarify with capitalization and punctuation. They can do wonders. Secondly...the lines I think are the weakest are lines 9-12. It's kind of a giant run-on sentence and leaves you feeling a little out of breathe by the end of it. I don't know if y...

I like this - I think you did a good job of describing this relationship. The only thing I'm going to suggest is the last stanza. It seems a little anti-climactic. Especially the last two lines. Try re-thinking what you're really trying to say here - is there any way to get the idea across without making it quiet so....i don't know any other way to say this....cheesy? If not, it may at least benefit from making the first two lines a sentence and then break and make the last two lines a separa...

Don't change a word. The words are perfect - as is. Just finish up your punctuation - you have a period at the end of the first stanza, but none of the rest. Also, the again at the end of that line kind of threw me at first. Upon reading the whole stanza it makes sense how you placed it, but to read easier it might help to either put another comma afterwards or move it to the next line. Or, for even more emphasis you could give it it's own line. Maybe that's going a little far.... Just play w...

This is sweet and understandable. The 4th line of the first stanza kind of stumbles, but maybe that's the "Shakespearian" style (I'm no expert on Shakespeare, honestly, and embarrassingly I've only ever read a couple of his sonnets in a collection of "greatest poems". That line just seems like you were trying a little to hard to make it rhyme. Maybe just take a little break from it, don't over-think it too much, give it a little rest, then come back and look at it and see if something genius ...

This is really eye-catching. I enjoyed it. Try sorting out your capitalization and punctuation. I say this to almost everyone I review, and I'm really tired of it, but almost every single time it's true. You have so much more control over the way the reader goes through the poem when you do this! Where you want us to pause and let something sink in, where you want us to keep going to put the whole idea together....even just understanding where the sentences begin and end! The other thing: 2nd...

I really like this. One little thing (think it's just a typo) last line is it supposed to be is* instead of in*?

This is a good idea - entertaining. 4th line from the top I think might benefit from dropping the "he" - too many pronouns can clutter things up sometimes. Trying playing with this some more and see if you can get some kind of a cadence going - it didn't seem to flow very well for me. Good start, but I think a meter would make it twice as good!