splitmam's profile
AGE:
54
LOC: Columbus, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 28
LOC: Columbus, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 28
I am a computer programmer turned poet and painter. My first book “The Midnight Ramblings of an Insane Woman” was published in 2006 by Publish America.
I have had three poems published in the January, 2007 issue of “Lucidity”, two poems published in February 2007 in “Releasing Times”, and one is scheduled to be published in the March issue of “Cadillac Cicatrix”.
To read a sample and see a few paintings, visit my website at: http://www.publishedauthors.net/splitmam
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friday accordion-like rush hour grindingly slow southern beaches call
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Ocean Foaming blue and green, lapping at the crystal shore origins unknown sticky salt shells crunch pounding surf warm on my skin imbue me with life
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Version 1
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Memories Comfortable therapist couch relaxation opens my mind memories flood my brain hot seething grey matter feelings of pain, shame, and sorrow young eyes see backyard jungle gym one more skin-the-cat flip then in to eat someone unknown behind me a hand grabs my arm I can’t get away with knowledge of pain to come heart freezes in terror escape to couch next time, memories are more recent curly hair and boyish smile envious friends videos and popcorn then predatory leer “Please take me home...
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Version 1
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January in Ohio Chill air goose bumps my skin Fleece obscures clear sight Cars waltz and spin Eight more inches due tonight
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Version 1
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Barn Once proud barn on the hill like the beauty queen on her runway Now, broken down and lonely as a beggar on the street
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I like this poem and all your thoughts on fate. You use spacing well except towards the last few stanzas which seem to run together...are there line breaks missing or was that intentional? A few somments on grammar: Stanza 2 should be either winds cling or wind clings Stanza 5 to much should be too much Stanza 4 has too many should be have too many The last stanza "... I love...pulled away..." is weaker than the rest of the poem. perhaps you could speak to fate and ask why fate keeps taking h...
This is really a good story! I love her ambiguity about Gaye and how it gets tied together with the dead gay boy. The only thing that didn't flow beautifully for me was in the reference to things becoming fair but not in her favor. I would think things are either fair or not, they don't become anything. Great job!
This is quite a poem! I enjoyed it but have a few comments: Stanza 2 should either be wind tears or winds tear, not winds tears Stanza 4 I'm not sure how shoes are like sails and masts? Perhaps a few more words to get the meaning across Stanza 6 You could probably do without "once" and "only". I think they just get in the way of a really good image Stanza 8 "yet the wind, like the moon to the tide,..." It sounds like you are comparing the wind to the moon which doesn't break or stir. Perhaps ...
You have a lot to say here. I liked your ideas, but they just don't flow like you would think a poem should. Is there any way to get from a to b without jumping so much? You might also cut some of the extraneous words like "the" and "and". In the second to last stanza I think sensationalism might be a better word choice unless you mean to say it is sensational that the news stations are no longer telling news.
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